E.A. Shorts

Why I Say I'm Half "Persian" Instead of "Iranian"

2012-01-19T14:03:00.003-06:00

Because when I have to introduce myself and explain the origin of my name to people like these commenters on a Yahoo story about an Iranian earthquake...

...they typically have no idea that Persian and Iranian mean the same thing. Because they're ignorant, FOX News loving assholes.

7 Ways Creative Interns Can Help Themselves.

2012-01-17T22:08:00.002-06:00

Giving students a jump-start to their career, college programs provide many aspiring creatives an opportunity to get some real-life experience through an ad agency internship. This is when young creatives learn fast that working in the biz is nothing like the textbook or bubble test said. It's actually much more interesting and fun. But knowing what it takes to make the leap from unpaid (or poorly paid) volunteer to a junior level employee who earns a paycheck starts by knowing what to soak up during that two-three month adventure.

Here are the seven things I think are most important for interns learn:

1. If You Don't Ask, No One Will Help You.
Not the last thing a creative will do, but low on the list is checking on an intern. Many professional creatives are wrapped up in their own world of "make the logo bigger" crises. Don't be afraid to bug someone or ask them to get coffee, lunch or an after-work beer just to talk shop. They'll probably welcome the break. The result is that creative pro will label you as a driven individual. Should a higher-up ask about you, he/she will now have something positive to say. During your chat, put your ideas on the chopping block, ask "why" and milk his or her mind for all it's worth.

2. Go To Meetings That Have Nothing To Do With You.
Meetings ... boring, yes. Valuable for an intern, definitely. You'll pick up lingo and understand the DNA of the agency. You'll also discover why certain people are stressed and why so many agency workers drink moderate to heavily. There will be presentation documents, creative briefs, short brainstorms and client feedback. These are all things you'll never see in a classroom setting.

3. Your A+ Thesis Paper Has Nothing To Do With Creative Copywriting.
My first creative director told me: "Clients don't pay you to write or for me to design. They pay us for our minds." It's true. Think about it this way: everyone thinks they can write and/or design (until they actually have to). But thinking creatively on a highly strategic level is a skill few possess. It's what separates us from our clients and their brand team - we are their brand's thought leaders. It's not about writing a clever headline with a pretty photo, rather it's about writing a clever headline and designing an ad that meets six brand objectives while still clearly communicating to a human being. Forget writing essays and designing your cousin's band poster, the creative side of the biz is based on intelligently communicating with people in creative ways. Learn that or at least show a spark, and you'll be valuable.

4. Jump In On A Pitch.
Many ad students get to participate in the AAF competition through "Campaigns" class. They have four months to come up with a large creative presentation for a national client, where they'll compete against other college student teams. In the agency world, that same process happens in about 10-14 days (sometimes less) instead of 120 days. You're guaranteed to hear the word "RFP" (request for proposal) while interning. When you do, do what you can to get involved. Even if it's just gathering photos, proofing or binding. Pay attention to how the team brainstorms. Study how the copywriter writes up the ideas to be sold. How the art directors design comps to communicate the idea. Figure out why the creative director and account director wanted it in certain order. It may not be a flawless process and final product. But this is your chance to finally see how the sausage is made. "Just Do It" wasn't sold as just a clever line - the agency went through a pitch process, creating a strategic deck book that made the idea of that famous line shine.

5. Keep Building Your Book, Even If It's Not "Real" Work.
In some situations, it can be difficult as an intern to truly own a project. If you have that chance, save every PDF and file, and make it the showpiece of your book. Unfortunately for many, you'll dabble here and there, but may feel uncomfortable claiming a finished piece as your own. Don't let that stop you -- now that you understand a brand better than ever, go ahead and design your own campaign. Show what you can do with total creative control. Have a reason for everything you do and say in the campaign. In your upcoming interviews, creative directors are going to be looking to see that you can think and execute creatively and strategically. The ad doesn't have to be printed in Time Magazine. Good creative is good creative.

6. Be Digital Or Be Left Behind.
You know the vehicles: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. Now get active and learn everything you can about them. Pay attention to what brands and marketers are doing with them. Connect with others in the industry through it. Know how to talk about social media in simple terms. Need practice? Try explaining Twitter to your grandparents or crazy uncle. While interning, ask if you can participate in speaking for the agency through their social media channels. Contribute to the agency blog. Be seen, be heard and know what you're talking about.

7. Be A Writer Or Designer. Never Both.
If you say you can do it all, no one will believe you. If you really can excel at both writing and designing, more power to you. But for most, it's crucial to pick one path and become as great as you can be at it. Creative directors and agency heads want to know that you're "our writer guy" or "our design gal." Don't get me wrong, having cross-over skills is great -- just don't sell yourself as such. At least until you reach the level of Creative Director.

With the ultimate goal is landing that first job shortly after the internship, remember the process is all about luck, timing, skills, your book, drive, resiliency and intangibles ... plus a bunch of other things.

Good luck and let me know what you think. Like the Dude says, everything in this post is just, like my opinion, man.

8 Reasons To Hate Jaws 4 - The Revenge

2012-01-11T11:26:00.001-06:00

1. The shark ROARS, can swim backward, can swim 5,000 or so miles in a couple days, and stands on its tail for more than 5 seconds multiple times. Did it train with Shamu at Sea World?

2. It takes place in the Bahamas - explained by the reason that the shark "telepathically" follows the Brody family due to a hunger for revenge. Now it's a psychic killer.

3. How is it possible that the shark would want revenge for its death? Is the shark a ghost? Is that why it can roar? Perhaps just a cousin with psychic abilities?

4. The Jamaican boating friend they make is the original Jar-Jar Binks.

5. The shark eats wood like a termite.

6. SPOILER: The shark is killed by a wooden mast stabbing it as it stands in the water for about 2-3 minutes. Wow, that was easy. Why didn't we think of that 90-minutes ago?

7. In the un-cut version, the Jamaican guy is eaten in half and thought to be dead. Suddenly, like a miracle, he rises at the end exclaiming, "I'm OK man!" - NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE HALF-EATEN!

8. A GODDAMN SHARK DOES NOT ROAR!

So you don't have to watch this POS, here's the ending. You're welcome.

If I overlooked any obvious other reason to hate this film, fill us in via comment.

The Strangest Mass Email I've Ever Received

2012-01-06T17:24:00.002-06:00

Honest-to-God email sent to entire company, copy/pasted verbatim:

Date: Fri, 10 June 2005
To: Entire STL Office
Subject: Food Poising

Good Morning! FYI.
Wednesday night I ate a Catfish I caught in the St. Charles river and as a result got food poisoning with violent vomiting, bloating, headache and fever as well as diarrhea. I went to the doctor and was told its got to run it’s course and there’s nothing they can give me, just rest and drink a lot of water (clear sodas too)….II still feel really ill, my stomach is swollen and I have the gag reflex when I try to talk, so I won’t be doing much talking! PLEASE BE CAREFUL when eating caught fish!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Terrible Holiday Ads & Cards - #4

2011-12-20T10:30:00.000-06:00

Terrible Holiday Ads & Cards - #3

2011-12-19T09:51:00.002-06:00

Terrible Holiday Ads & Cards - #2

2011-12-15T10:47:00.001-06:00

Found this purrfect holiday card within a St. Louis newspaper's consumer-generated content collection:

The caption: "My husband and I got inspired by a card we found online."

Terrible Holiday Ads & Cards - #1

2011-12-14T17:04:00.001-06:00

Throughout the holiday season, I'll post a holiday themed advertisement that's either in terrible taste or just plain terrible.

Kicking it off is this gem....

*Names and numbers have been hidden to protect the guilty.

Funny Craigslist Posting - STL-Based

2011-12-14T10:31:00.000-06:00

*No, I didn't come across this by searching for breast implants...

Lowe's Facebook Debacle = Education in Religion & Diversity

2011-12-12T17:21:00.000-06:00

Lowe's has pulled their TV advertising campaign from TLC's new 'All-American Muslim' program. Why?

"The retail giant stopped advertising on TLC's "All-American Muslim" after a conservative group known as the Florida Family Association complained, saying the program was "propaganda that riskily hides the Islamic agenda's clear and present danger to American liberties and traditional values."

It's the kind of PR disaster perhaps best left alone. But Lowe's felt compelled to let its Facebook friends know that they meant no harm with the decision. In fact, they are the biggest celebrators of diversity, explained in this awesomely generic post:

This Pandora's Box type post has inspired nearly 15,000 people (as of this evening) to add their two-cents about the decision. It's a good 50/50 of those who agree/disagree, and a good 50/50 of racists and bigots who plan to spend more money than ever at Lowe's vs. Islamic sympathizers and do-gooders who claim they'll never shop there again.

What I found interesting were some of the "facts" bestowed upon us by closet religious scholars and candid/raw opinions. Here are some of my favorites:

If you've seen some great ones, pass them along - I'll add them to the collection!

A New American Tradition: Middle Eastern Racism

2011-12-06T09:48:00.001-06:00

A few days ago the Jacksonville Jaguars announced that Pakistani-born billionaire Shahid Kahn had bought the team. A self-made success story, his auto parts business is based in Illinois. While the 'stache comments and Star Trek references are in good, fun taste, others have taken great offense to the man's heritage.

When he was announced as the new owner of the Jags, it didn't take long for the racist comments to begin spilling online, specifically on Twitter. Not blind to the fact that racism toward any race is alive and well across America, and the world, the racist commentary is no surprise.

What's alarming to me, someone with some mid-east roots yet I'm 100% American, is that racism toward people with any ties to middle east (or "brown/olive people") is so widely accepted in mainstream America. Heck, people still accuse Obama of being a "Muslim" like it's some disease of anti-Americanism. And he's not even of middle eastern decent.

We've been "at war" in the middle east for ten-plus years now. Which I guess gives us a free-pass to "hate." Much like people did against the Japanese in WWII.

Below is a list of choice Tweets I saw and found pretty easily following the Kahn announcement. Whether you agree or disagree with the sentiment, imagine if these Tweets were directed at whites, blacks or asians. Would they be as acceptable?

@Jimbomadickles What the fuck is wayne doin selling the jags to shahid Kahn. What kind of Pakistan raghead bullshit is that??

@BlkSportsOnline Jags r being sold to Shahid Khan who I really believe was a villain on Season 6 of "24"

@bucbabe39 #wayment is it me or does the jags new owner look like saddam houssain?

@JA_Compton The new owner for the Jags looks like he's planning on blowing the stadium up. #iwentthere

@NickGreen07 New owner for jags is some damn pakistanian #great

@mattborello New jags owner is Arab.. Lookin for our win percentage to blow up!

@SixFootFern Jags were sold and got a new Middle Eastern owner. Whaddup Jacksonville Jihads?!

@Kobes24Girl A Pakistan owner? Wtf #jags #getmeoutofhere

@RossTheBearJew jags new owner is an active member of al qaeda. hes appointing osama bin laden's son as the head coach

@YaBoy_Mitch arabian owner for the jags? #werefucked

@BrittTheBrat904: Jags new owner Shahid Khan ???? Hes a Pakistani ..." WTF

I shudder at the thought of racist commentary aimed at me and my name should one day I become the owner of my beloved Buffalo Bills. Though the battle of those claiming my name is Irish vs. middle eastern would be entertaining.

How Twitter Helped Fix My Recalled Corolla

2011-12-02T10:38:00.001-06:00

You probably never heard about it, but Toyota quietly recalled Corollas across the country due to a bad motherboard. The car could suddenly die at anytime with no warning, no gas, no brakes, no steering.

I've been a loyal Corolla driver for over a decade, as has one of my best friends. I first became aware of this issue over a year ago, before the official recall, when my friend's Corolla died on him. Luckily he was in a neighborhood and could cut into a curb to avoid crashing. The dealership claimed what caused the breakdown was a "technical bulletin" and therefore they'd cover it. It got me wondering about my own car's safety.

Fast-forward a few weeks, and low-and-behold, a recall notice comes in the mail. It described the part with a technical term: "ECM." A little Internet research later, I uncover that it's basically the car's motherboard. The notice claims that in about two months, when parts are available, I'll receive an official letter to take the dealership to get the part fixed.

Those two months came and went with no second letter... as did six more months. I investigated online and discovered some forums discussing the issue. A good number of curious Corolla drivers were pissed that there was zero news/media pressure about the issue. Others had stories of their cars dying on the interstate or in rush hour. That frightened me enough to call my local dealership and ask to get the issue fixed ASAP.

To my surprise the St.Louis-based dealership said they'd fix it that weekend. On the morning I was taking the car in, they called me to tell me they were out of the part?! They'd call me when they had it again. Well, another month, and another passed with no action. I called twice, being told they couldn't do it yet.

It had now been nearly a full year since I first received the notice. That's when I tweeted at Toyota Customer Care about the issue. Their customer service rep, who I don't think is there anymore, was super responsive and immediately contacted me. He informed that the parts for the recall WERE available, and he was confused as to why they were giving me the run-around. He said to give him an hour, and then he'd call me back. He did exactly as he said, informing me to call the dealership and to ask for a specific person.

When I called the dealership back, I first spoke to someone who was not who I needed to speak with. In a sneaky way to test the situation, I asked her about replacing the part. She gave me the typical response that she didn't think they could do it, that she'd have to check with someone. Suddenly another person hops on the phone, and asks if my name is "E-ah-man." It's the person my Toyota rep had contacted. The tune suddenly changed.

"Yes sir, whenever you can get the car in here, we can fix that for you right away."

That weekend my car was finally fixed.

Thanks Twitter and Toyota Customer Care for smacking the dealership into shape. Another good example of the "muscle" social media can deliver.

A Fireside Chat With Slightly Burned Pants

2011-11-30T10:10:00.001-06:00

Slightly Burned Pants is a hot n' fresh podcast that launched just seven weeks ago. This is how they describe themselves on their site:

The Slightly Burned Pants Podcast is a comedy podcast featuring host Michael Sullivan and two smartasses, Dwight Slappe and T. Michael Murdock. It suddenly appears every Wednesday on iTunes and Libsyn.

I think the podcast is pretty entertaining, as do quite a few iTunes listeners. Maybe it's because I went to college with the dudes and it takes me back. Maybe it's because it's actually really good. I'll let you be the judge.

In the meantime, enjoy this exclusive interview with SBP member Michael Sullivan, AKA "The Googly."

What exactly is Slightly Burned Pants and what can listeners expect should they tune in?

Slightly Burned Pants is three longtime friends telling stories and/or making fun of each other. I’m sure I’ll get a super helping of shit when this comes out. But in the course of making each other laugh, we hope that listeners get a kick out of it too.

Can you rattle off some of the topics you've discussed on the podcast?

Domestic Bliss or lack thereof. How weird I am. College Stories. How weird I am. Childhood stories. How weird I am. Crazy Work Stories.

What sparked the idea for SPB?

For me, personally, the tipping point was becoming a fan of Greg Behrendt and Dave Anthony's podcast, Walking The Room. Their chemistry and their DIYness appealed to me. All other podcasts that I had been fans of when I discovered them seemed to be just a radio show that happened to be recorded. Their show is something else entirely.

Also it seemed like a great idea to formalize a "hang out time" with my friends since married life has pulled each of us into different directions. Why not recreate the "good part" of hanging out in a bar all the time like we used to. Long live the camaraderie.

Which bit has been your best bit?Which bit has been your worst bit?

Worst Bit: Dwight screwed up the punch line of a child's joke (Murdock and I didn't catch it).

Best Bit: The next episode Dwight tried to issue a correction to said joke and proceeded to screw it up again.

Characterize the three of you using personalities from the Beatles. e.g. who's John/Paul/Ringo/George?

Dwight would be John because of his strong opinions, personality and his drive for world peace. Murdock would be Paul because of his strong opinions, personality and his need for as many people as possible to like him. Is there a quieter one than George? Because that would be me.

Where do you find inspiration to come up with material for the weekly show?

We look to our own lives, as well as solicit topics and suggestions from our listeners. All of that is filtered through our skewed perspectives and spewed out in such a way to make the other two laugh.

Can you describe the recording process of the shows?

We record at Dwight's house, The Adventureplex, in his study. We have to record there because mine and Murdock’s places are animal menageries that could incapacitate Dwight’s sensitive lungs. Each session is just a formalized hang out session. We drink beer and turn on the recorder. The recorder has two mics on it, a front and back, so Murdock and Dwight sit on one side of a table and I sit on the other. For the most part we don't know what we're gonna talk about until we're together.

Have you received any interesting feedback/commentary from random listeners?

The best comment came from a friend of ours who lives across country that we don't get to see very often. He said that he felt like he was sitting in the room hanging out with us.

The most interesting was from a listener who copied and pasted a Hunt For Red October review into iTunes for us. And if you don’t know why that’s so significant perhaps you should listen to the show.

Does your wife tune in? If so, what does she think about it?

My wife, "Best Wife" as she's known on the show, does listen to the show. She laughs and smiles at all the right places, especially when I'm being made fun of, so I assume she likes it.

Who needs to tune into your show who isn't?

Our friends. It's surprising how many of our friends and peers didn't even know we started a podcast despite us blanketing social media on podcast release days.

What's the ultimate goal of SBP?

None of us have any illusions of gaining fame and fortune from this (I take that back, Murdock probably does). Right now our pie in the sky goal is to not let having fun become a chore.

How can people tune in and stalk you?

Our website is http://slightlyburnedpants.com, and the podcast page is http://slightlyburnedpants.com/podcast

Our twitter handle is @burnedpants

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Slightly-Burned-Pants/310271735655391

Google+ https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/107350033973895201363/

My Favorite Tweet Of The Day

2011-11-29T16:45:00.001-06:00

RT: @rationalists BREAKING: At a divorce rate of 48%, heterosexual Christian couples are threatening the sanctity of marriage.

Ancient Aliens: Believable vs. Unbelievable

2011-11-23T13:27:00.001-06:00

When the Ancient Aliens special first aired on History Channel last year, I loved it. While it's not a popular stance, I find much of ancient alien theory to be just as crazy and/or believable as modern day religion.

While my fiancée has always enjoyed watching if only for a chance to laugh at Mr. Giorgio Tsoukalos's hair and tan, the historical info was always interesting and the theories were so intriguing, I've tuned in religiously.

When I heard Ancient Aliens was going to become a series, I was excited. I even bought and read a few books, including "Twilight of the Gods" by one of the Ancient Alien theory's founding fathers, Erich Von Daniken. (Great book btw.)

The first season of the show rocked, the second was cool, but this last one has basically stunk. Why the downhill trend? Because their ancient alien beliefs have simply become too ridiculous and far-fetched.

Taking a step back, these are the things I find believable or at least intriguing vs. what I don't believe at all about our possible ancient alien past:

What's Believable (or at least intriguing):

> A nuclear explosion has happened on earth before we developed the atomic bomb.

> Ancient civilizations knew way too much about the stars and astronomy. Somebody or some thing must've given them a nudge in the right direction.

> We were created by an alien race to serve some purpose for them. Like mining gold. In our creation, they blocked our ability to retrace our origin roots.

> Ancient aliens used weapons and flying ships in the past, before people knew what the hell they were.

> The egyptians had some contact with something or someone not of this world, helping them to harness some ancient technologies or techniques to build the pyramids.

> The arch of the covenant is radioactive. Which is why no one can go near it.

> The Mayans were friends with some aliens.

> Some ancient monsters were real beasts.

> Some ancient rock structures had alien-like technology to help them create precision cuts and move thousand ton objects.

> Real giants did exist.

> Perhaps WE ARE the aliens on this planet.

> Ancient man built things to be seen from way up above or from space.

> Hitler and the Nazis were obsessed with ancient alien theory. And therefore, they were trying to do a similar genetic experiment to create a master race.

> New diseases/plagues have been introduced to the earth from asteroids and space junk.

> Aliens will return to earth before Jesus.

What I Do NOT Believe One Eye Oughta:

> America's founding fathers had anything to do with ancient aliens.

> Cults are connected to ancient aliens.

> Aliens had anything to do with propelling specific world leaders.

> The whole world grid thing - meaning everything important on earth is connected by a perfect grid.

> The old American west had contact with aliens.

> Aliens influence modern politics.

> Art is heavily influenced by aliens. (without TV, I think us humans can be quite creative)

> Anal probes are an advanced way to learn about humans.

My 5 Favorite Winter Beers

2011-11-22T10:18:00.000-06:00

It's cold and shitty outside. Which makes drinking dark, rich and tasty beer all the more enticing. Here are my faves to help drown my sorrows until spring bounces back:

1. Schlafly Winter ESB
This St. Louis original is warm, thick and cozy. Yes, it's cozy. It's like wrapping yourself in a blanket of flavor and false security. That last part is mainly because it has a high percentage of alcohol. But that's kind of the point.

2. Bellhaven Scottish Ale
It's a creamy and filling brew that goes best with a shepherds pie or bangers and mash. Be careful though, the alcohol content is pretty damn high. 2-3 of these and you'll be feeling magically good and numb to the cold outside.

3. Molson Canadian
What better beer for cold weather than the beer made by people who live in cold weather nine months out of the year? Plus it's made from glacier water, which is probably good for you. What also speaks highly of its quality is that Canadians and those living north love it, instead of taking it for granted.

4. Yuengling Black & Tan
Claimed to be the oldest brewery in America, it used to only be found in PA. But because it tastes so damn good, it's getting out there more and more. Their version of a black and tan (IMO) is better than the traditional Guinness/Bass combo -- even out of a bottle.

5. Wexford Irish Cream Ale
Oh man, this is more like a beer dessert. From the UK, this beer will first make you feel good, then a little tipsy, then full and ready for bed. A great combo if that's all you're doing that night. Otherwise, drink only two, then move on to something lighter.

What are some of your favorite Wintertime Brews that I need to try?

Guns N' Roses in KC Review - 11/12/11

2011-11-20T18:47:00.004-06:00

It was my first trip to Kansas City and its new Sprint Center, which was built in the hopes of drawing an NBA or NHL team to the city. Of course I had to travel to KC because Axl Rose will never return to St. Louis due to some unfortunate events that occurred in 1991.

Pre-Show Happenings
One of my show-going mates has a connection to one of the guitarists in the band. He worked out a deal with him, scoring backstage passes! We nervously approached the will-call, requesting our passes. The transaction was smooth and all four of us quickly Facebook'd a photo of our passes like a bunch of dweebs.

Outside of the venue is a pavilion area full of bars, stores and a small stage. A GnR cover band was belting out the hits best they could - though I thought the singer sounded more like Vince Neil than Axl.

Opening Band & Stage Prep
We entered the venue grasping our backstage passes tightly and taking our seats a few rows up on the left of the stage. The opening band, Adelitis Way was fine, basic rock. Nothing memorable, nothing terrible. They ended around 10pm to a venue that was about 75% full.

The crew quickly assembled the stage for Guns, laying down a new floor, mopping it, setting up 15+ guitars and two keyboards. Of the three GnR shows I've attended the band has never gone on before 11:30 p.m. - once showing up at 12:15 a.m. and another never showing up at all.

The Show Starts On Time!
To my amazement, the lights went down at 10:57 p.m., a full three minutes early! For any real GnR fan that's pretty impressive.

After the Dexter theme song, DJ Ashba took center stage, playing the opening chords to Chinese Democracy. As the song kicked into full gear, pyrotechnics went flying and Axl Rose sprinted onto the stage in his leather jacket, hat and sunglasses, proudly sporting his new-era fu-manchu.

Naturally, the next song began with Axl asking, "Do you know where you are?" The crowd came alive as the band and Axl belted out the hit like champs.

I know I may seem like a homer for GnR and Axl, but I'm telling the truth: he sounds better than he ever has in his career. The guy has had some grand awakening and he's putting full effort into sounding and performing like a pro. On top of that, the band he has together now is the tightest, most talented group of musicians the band has ever employed. They even have chemistry, which has been missing since the '90s. After a decade of lineup shifts, it looks like Axl finally has the perfect motley crew.

To review, the band is:
Axl Rose
DJ Ashba
Ron "Bumblefoot" Thal
Richard Fortus
Tommy Stinson
Dizzy Reed
Chris Pittman
Frank Ferrer

Show Highlights
The show went on for nearly three hours. While Axl and others took breaks, others took time to perform solo medleys like Bumblefoot's Pink Panther jam and Tommy Stinson's "My Generation" cover.

As for the best performance of the night, no question: Estranged. Fans have been "badgering" the band to play this old epic hit for years. It was played with such perfection and energy, it was a magical moment for any GnR fan. Other highlights: Better, Axl nailing Street of Dreams (The Blues), Nighttrain, November Rain, Live and Let Die, and the big show closer Paradise City.

After Show Party, Meet & Greet
After the gig ended, 1:30 a.m.-ish, those of us with "After Show" stickers were huddled like passengers in an airport terminal to a group of seats. After about 20 minutes of sitting there and being overly checked out by the crew, we were taken into what felt like an office cafeteria. We shared a big table with some strangers and each person asked the obligatory "How'd you get your backstage pass?" Most of the group was there to see Chris Pittman, as KC is his hometown and it was his birthday.


Us w/ Ron "Bumblefoot" Thal

Bumblefoot was the first to come down and introduce himself to the group of maybe 30. He's an indie-rocker at heart, so meeting fans and strangers is something he seemed very comfortable with. There was a mother and daughter who immediately called Bumble over -- the mother went into a long speech about how important this show was to them as the daughter began to bawl her eyes out. She then hugged Bumble and begged him to sign her notepad. This sequence repeated for each band member who entered the room.

DJ Ashba was next into the room. He too was super friendly, introducing himself to everyone in the room. DJ realized the party was pretty dry, so he called the crew to bring us some booze - scoring points with everyone.

Dizzy Reed then joined the party (downing nearly a full bottle of Jager within 30 minutes), followed by Del James (Axl's buddy who inspired the Nov. Rain video), and then Tommy Stinson. Stinson looked like...well, death. He was either severely worn out from the gig, had the flu or, well, I don't want to say something about a situation I know nothing about.

Dizzy Reed & Me

I also saw the guy who started and runs the fan website/forum HereTodayGoneToHell.com - (Jarmo). He's now a crew member on the band's tours. If only I had worked harder at web design/programming in the late '90s...

Final Thinkings
As the clock reached 3:30 a.m., everyone in the room, including the band, was worn out, drunk and hungry. We walked back to the hotel feeling sufficiently rocked and thankful we were able to meet some of those amazing musicians. While we were hoping for some egg salad sandwiches and cheese n' crackers backstage, beggars can't be choosers.

If you read the mainstream reviews of this U.S. tour, you'll notice they'll all stretching to find something to pick on. That's because these shows are the best performances GnR has done in about 20 years. Don't believe the crap about Axl being washed up and these guys simply being hired guns - you'll be missing out on one of the best and true rock n' roll shows to roll through the states in a long-ass time.

For Those Curious, Full Set List:
Dexter Intro
Chinese Democracy
Welcome to the Jungle
It's So Easy
Mr. Brownstone
Sorry
Better
Estranged
Riff Raff
Richard Fortus Solo
Live And Let Die
This I Love
Rocket Queen
My Generation
Baba O'Riley
Street of Dreams
You Could Be Mine
Ballad of Death
Sweet Child O' Mine
Another Brick In The Wall
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
November Rain
Pink Panther
Don't Cry
Whole Lotta Rosie
Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Nightrain

ENCORE:
Madagascar
Patience
Paradise City

I Took The CPB Copywriter Test.

2010-10-18T13:59:00.001-05:00

This awesome, cool test was posted in my LinkedIn Group, "Advertising & Marketing Writers of St. Louis."

It's a test created by Bill Wright, Creative Director on the Burger King Account at Crispin Porter Bogusky, as a way to gauge a copywriter's skill set.

So I decided to give it quick try.

> Give a short, persuasive argument on letting Pluto remain a planet.

Remember Santa Claus. Most of us know he isn't "real," but we continue to let the legend live on. Why? Because the idea of Santa makes us happy. Especially for children. Much the same way, from 1930 - 2006, many children, like myself, gravitated toward Pluto as his/her favorite "planet." It was the furthest, chilliest planet, the most unique, weird, mysterious, the underdog. It's the second funnest name (#1 is Uranus). And some kids actually believed it was named after the fat guy from Popeye.

The group of scientists who reclassified Pluto as "big space junk" are a bunch of nerds who have taken their nerdom too far. Pluto is now officially labeled: "The largest member of the Kuiper Belt." Life is too short to get so technical. Nobody really cares if Pluto is "technically" planet. Pluto deserves its planetary label, if only because the idea of Pluto being a planet opens our eyes to the fact that there is so much we don't know about our universe, yet alone our own solar system. Pluto, as a planet, reminds us that everything we know about the universe may be completely wrong.

> Pen a haiku about prairie dogs.

Burrowed in holes they dug

To say hi, their teeth touch, rub

Wiki teaches of Prairie Dogs

> Describe toast to a Martian in 50 words or less.

Toast is bread that's cooked for a few minutes via hot wires, making it crispy. It's a simple way to turn a good sandwich into a great sandwich. If you have spread, like cream cheese or butter, toast can become an entire meal. Also accompanies many breakfast platters.

> Describe the color red to a blind person.

Red symbolizes the feelings of anger, passion and danger. It's an aggressive color that's poor camouflage, as it stands out almost anywhere. Your blood is red, so when you hear the sounds of a gory movie, you can imagine the color red spurting on the walls and pooling on the ground. Red is used for stop signs on roads, emergency vehicle flashing lights and to draw attention at a dinner party. For example, a woman would wear a red dress or a man would wear a red tie to communicate power and stature.

> "Employees must wash their hands before returning to work" is such a boring sign. It's ubiquity has rendered it useless (a sobering thought). For all humanity, please rewrite it.

Your shit tastes and smells like shit. Wash your damn hands.

> You might be a redneck if:

...your "work-from-home" business is selling moonshine on eBay.

> Write a really awful pun.

I confessed to my tennis instructor that I was in love with her. She said that meant nothing to her.

> What's your favorite oxymoron?

Killer Whale.

> What's your favorite retronym?

Original Coke.

> Write 12 synonyms for the word "Go."

Sprint, Jolt, Blast, Green, Vroom, Zoom-Zoom, Whiz, Hustle, Proceed, Burst, Sonic Boom, Mach.

> Now write 12 antonyms for the same word.

Halt, Crash, Brickwall, Butkus, Molasses, Red, Stuck, Putter, Yield, Gridlock, Stonewall, Cock-Block.

> Extra credit: Diagram the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution.

Not gonna do that.

This test takes a little time, but give it a shot. Forces you to think a variety of ways.

How To Create An Awesome Copywriter’s Portfolio.

2010-10-06T17:34:00.006-05:00

I've seen a number of portfolios from "green" copywriters lately, and it got me thinking -- where are these guys getting advice? Because obviously, some professors are providing some dated commentary.

I ain't no expert. Just trying to help.
I've learned a ton over the past decade trying to sell myself as a writer, and Lord knows there's so much more for me to learn. Some of the best things I've learned have been because I fell flat on my face.

For what it's worth, here's my take on what makes a good book.

First off, when I say “copywriter” I’m talking about a copywriter in the advertising business or related creative field. And for any creative job, your portfolio means everything. You can have the most impressive resume and references in the world, including a Harvard degree and presidency of every extra-curricular activity possible. But if your book stinks, you’re going nowhere in this business.

A copywriter’s portfolio lives and dies by one word: “Thinking.”

Some of the best advice I ever received was from my first creative director at small agency in Roanoke, Virginia. He told me, “Clients don’t pay us to make ads. They pay us for our minds.” This statement is so very, very true when it comes to assembling your copywriting portfolio.

Copywriters in this biz are not hired because of their typing skills, education or grammar expertise. Copywriters are hired because of how their brains work. You’re expected to be a think tank – ideating, strategizing and figuring out the best way to frame, stretch and sell any sized idea.

Therefore, the most important thing you need to showcase is how you can develop a good idea, write fantastic, concise headlines and then stretch an idea across all media. That includes print, broadcast, outdoor, event and of course social and digital.

Don’t have enough produced work? No problem.

It doesn’t matter if the work is “real.” Some of our best ideas never live past the point of a white paper anyway. So if your best idea is forever in white paper form, go ahead and put that in there. Or find a talented art director to help you turn it into something real.

Of course produced work is always more impressive, but if you’re just starting out, an insightful creative director would love to see how you assemble and sell an idea with only the written word and concept instead of trying to slap it together in a sloppy design.

What kind of work should you show?

In the Mad Men days, it was more about headlines and print ad campaigns. Today, it’s about everything else. Because every client is looking to hit people everywhere, sometimes in places that even don’t exist yet.

As mentioned, showing that you can write creatively and stretch an idea across all media is extremely important. But that’s not always necessary. If you have a great radio script, put it in there. If you have a fantastic billboard headline, put it in there. But make sure you have some bigger ideas to spark a more in-depth discussion.

What I like to do is to spread out on a table every piece of decent work I’ve produced the past year. Then start turning over anything doesn’t measure up to being “portfolio worthy.”

Go eat something. Watch some Judge Judy, then come back and kill some more stuff until you narrow it down to only the gold.

How many pieces should you include?

The standard rule is 12. And that’s still true today. But you should have about 20 portfolio worthy pieces up your sleeve that you can swap around depending on the agency or client you’re interviewing with.

Keep rationales short. Very short.

I’ve seen a trend for young writers to put long copy rationales next to their work. It must be a new thing professors are preaching. It’s fine, but in my opinion they’re typically about four-times too long. “Nuggeting” information is a crucial skill copywriters must possess. You want the work to be the focus. Your rationale should be no more than a couple easily consumable bullet points.

Your online and real-life portfolio should live together in harmony.

Showcasing your work online is an essential step in getting your foot in the door. You need a place where your stuff is easily seen with the click of one simple link.

Online, you’ll want to present an enticing preview of what to expect from you and your portfolio in person. In other words, flash the goods and show some shiny objects, but don’t show your entire arsenal. A good tease can go a long way.

Be mindful of the agency’s existing accounts.

If the place you’re speaking with has a fast food account, you’ll want to include anything you have done for a restaurant or food client. But what you should NEVER do is recreate the agency’s ads, in an effort to say you could do it better than them. It’s poor taste that will net you poor results.

One final note: Have a reason for everything you do.

When you are finally in the midst of presenting your portfolio in person, be ready to quickly answer any question about your work. Know why you chose that style of headline. Know the tidbits, story and results of the campaign. Just like selling to a client, justified confidence in an idea can mean the difference between your work falling flat or impressing the hell out of ’em.

Mondial Insurance = Bait & Switch.

2010-09-17T15:18:00.004-05:00

In July/August 2010, I bought two tickets to see a show in Sturgis, South Dakota via Ticketmaster.

During the purchase process, I was prompted and encouraged to buy ticket insurance. It would offer "peace of mind" and "security" for a variety of reasons.

Smelling a rat, I reviewed the insurance company's site (Mondial) and saw their listed approved reasons for a claim. Those featured/promoted:

Completed and signed Physician Statement Form, or
Death Certificate, or
Notarized Statement signed by an officer of your employer verifying the requirement to work, or
Police Report, or
Report of Loss

Knowing that venue was so far away, the band unreliable (gnr) and the possibility of work demands preventing my trip, I spent he $14 extra to insure myself on the two tickets.

I was then e-mailed a thick legal packet (pictured right) from Mondial about my coverage. I reviewed it, and I didn't see anywhere where it excludes any relevant reasons.

Fast-forward a few weeks later to the week of the show. I'm unable to go. Work demands spoil the trip.

No problem, I'm covered! Right?

I follow the instructions, fill out all the proper paperwork, get my notarized letter from the boss-man, all that jazz.

I then sit back and confidently wait for my refund.

A few weeks later, I receive a thin envelope in the mail from Mondial. It's a brief letter denying my claim. After saying, "It was an honor to serve you..." - they say my claimed reason is excluded in the state of Missouri. Huh, what?

I look back through that paperwork and don't see the "work demand" reason being denied anywhere in the legalese. But I do notice that they conveniently left it out of the millions of other words in the document. So instead of letting me know that the promoted reason of "work demands" was not covered in my case, they just glossed over it by not mentioning it.

I have correspond via e-mail with Mondial. I get half-automated denial responses that won't directly answer my direct questions.

For example, I write this:

After careful review, I am still not understanding where Missouri law influences or changes our agreement.
Please direct me to the proper section and specific language that I need to re-read.

Furthermore, here is what I've deduced out after researching the documentation:
On your website at this address: (https://www.eventticketprotector.com/Claims/Checklist.aspx) it clearly states the following as a valid, covered reason:
"Notarized Statement signed by an officer of your employer verifying the requirement to work, or..."

I provided this completed and official material with my claim.

I have read through the packet of legalese completely, and in no place does it state that it "excludes" the mentioned reason.

On the other hand, I don't see this specific reason mentioned in the documentation.
Would you not agree that a reasonable person would make the simple conclusion that if a reason is stated and promoted on your website, it should be covered?

In my opinion Mondial is attempting to manipulate legal language in an effort to avoid paying my claim, and probably others.

Again, please direct me to the specific language/entry/section of the documentation that clearly states the following, and promoted reason:
"Notarized Statement signed by an officer of your employer verifying the requirement to work, or..."
... is not covered by my policy.

They respond with this:

We received your inquiry regarding your policy and wanted to respond as quickly as possible.

Please accept our apologies for the frustration you are experiencing because of the covered reasons listed on the insurance policy. While our products are designed to address the majority of situations a consumer may encounter, there are limitations to the policy. In order to give our consumers ample time to review the policy, we provide the terms and conditions both during and after the purchase, along with our 10-day satisfaction guarantee, and this information is also available on our website.

So they continue to stand behind their legal documents, while my reason for a claim is still promoted on their site - within the "document checklist" claim section, mind you.

In my opinion, this is a case of bait and switch and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's fallen victim to this sneaky company.

I believe that because I was not properly notified about their promoted reasons being omitted from my policy that I'm entitled to a refund.

I filed a complain with the B.B.B. today as well.

Am I wrong? Am I right? Would you have been fooled as well?

My NFL Football Picks For 2010

2010-09-01T10:26:00.003-05:00

Time to celebrate September 1 by making my official picks for the 2010 NFL season!

I used my full-proof psychic senses for this. I'm about as good as that octopus that knows futbol. So feel free to bet the farm and your life savings on the following 2010 NFL LOCKS:

AFC
Top Dogs:
1. Indianapolis (Super Bowl Bound) - Manning deserves it.
2. Baltimore (Clevemore) - So close to being the best, but they can't stop Manning.
3. NE Patrishits - Their deal w/ the devil has run out.
4. San Diego - Too distracted by the beach to concentrate on football.
5. Cincinnati - Playoff choke-sters.
6. Houston - The most forgettable team in the NFL finally squeaks in.

Just Missing The Mark:
7. NY Jets - Overrated. Overrated. Overrated.
8. Tennessee - Overrated just because people like their unis and Chris Johnson in fantasy drafts.
9. Pittsburgh - I think Big Ben is going to finally get kicked hard enough in the balls by a girl, who knows military style self-defense, that he has to miss a few weeks.
10. Buffalo - We're on the right track. We're on the right track.
11. Oakland - Better than most think.
12. Miami - Worse than most think. Just cuz you have a friendly uniform in a climate friendly place doesn't make you good.
13. Denver - If only the Lord cared more about football, he'd help this team.
14. Kansas City - Same ole, same ole.
15. Cleveland - zzzzzzzzzzzz
16. Jacksonville - The football Gods continue to push for this team to move outta Florida.

NFC

Top Dogs:
1. Green Bay (Super Bowl Bound) - Rodgers > Favre.
2. New Orleans - Let us all repeat, "I mean, after all that city has been through..."
3. NY Giants - They're sneakily good, yet so boring.
4. San Francisco - They get there despite Alex Smith.
5. Minnesota - If they played in a real stadium and their fan-base wasn't so full of cock-bags, I might not hate them as much.
6. Atlanta - Why don't people seem to really care about their teams in ATL?

Just Missing The Mark:
7. Washington - Shanny can't find a way to push this group over the hump ... yet.
8. Dallas - You know what this team needs? More prime time games!
9. Chicago - Better than expected, but still too messy.
10. Detroit - Where's Barry?
11. Seattle - Consistently, the most boring game to watch every Sunday always features this Canadian-uniform-looking team.
12. Philly - What this team needs is Marky Mark.
13. Tampa Bay - Ever since changing their unis from the orange buc, they've been better.
14. Arizona - Without Kurt, they are nothing.
15. Carolina - Run, run, pass, punt. Repeat.
16. St. Louis - There is no reason to be optimistic about football in STL.

Championship Games:

AFC:

Baltimore @ Indianapolis - Baltimore sighs as its former team does it to them again.

NFC:

Minny @ GB - Because the NFL will rig whatever games they have to, to have this match-up.

Super Bowl:
Indy vs. GB - Indy wins and people finally get off of Manning's back about winning the big one ... TWICE.

No need to watch the games. You heard it all here first.

Internet Slang That Needs To Retire.

2010-08-26T15:16:00.003-05:00

People are tweeting, facebooking and text messaging like maniacs. With all that opportunity to write original material, new social-media-ish words, terms and phrases are now becoming commonplace in modern English.

I'm hoping that the following pass, in the same way, "Sit on it," "Don't worry be happy" and "Don't have a cow man" have too all passed:

"Nom-Nom" and/or "Nomz" - This was cute once. Only once and never again. The only persons allowed to use this term are females ages 15 and below (and maybe grandmas).

"Ping Me" - Is this a reference to the sound it makes in g-chat or ICQ when you send an instant message? What's wrong with "Send me a message" or "We'll chat later"?

"kthxbye!" - This makes me think movies like 'Legally Blonde' 1 & 2 have had much more societal impact than originally thought.

Unauthorized Pluraling - I tireds this mornings! Ure just the cutesess!. I's can haz cheeseburgers? I know it's fun to do, but let's leave it to people who have serious problems with pluralizing words and the professionals at LOLZ cats.

"The Internets" - I've used this term for the past year or two. But in April, I retired it. Because I realize the run is over. We went as far as we could. Plus, GWB is outta office and, ya know, it's just done.

"Woot!" - This one was fine until an entire Internet tool/company took that name. Once it becomes a brand name on the web, it needs to end. Like "Digg" - people don't go around saying, "Ya Digg?!"

"SMH/FTW" - These two have started to challenge "LOL" and "OMG" for the most over-used three-letter Internet emotion explainers.

Bastardizing "LOL" - This one was recently brought to my attention by @jessluther. She's absolutely right. The LOLCOPTER, LOLCANO and LOLLERCOASTER nonsense needs to end. LOLIKENOW!

> On a side note, I'm really into FAIL right now. But I fear the end is near. It's gonna be a sad day when "FAIL" will FAIL.

I'm Breaking Up With foursquare.

2010-08-24T11:04:00.002-05:00

Dear foursquare,

Not that this should come as a surprise, as I haven't pushed your icon in over a week, but you deserve to know this wasn't an easy letter to write.

I remember the day I met you. You were the most popular app out there. I had heard so many people talking about you, tweeting about you, facebooking about you. It made me want to get closer to you, to learn everything about you. Like why did you have four squares? Were you a hopscotch enthusiast?

So I finally made a move and got the app. Made my profile, added some friends and our relationship was on like Donkey Kong!

That first check-in was magical. I was able to tell my entire social media crowd that I was spending my Tuesday night stocking up on groceries at Schnuck's. How cool?!

From then on, every time I walked into a bar, restaurant, work, gas station or even the doctor's office, I was checking-in. My points were racking up like mad. Earning badges left n' right. My friends were envied and impressed, thinking I must be some sort of freak hybrid social media and social real-life expert. We were having a great time together and others wished they could be as cool and as outgoing as us.

Things almost got dirty when I saw some guys down the street had added their office's individual bathroom stalls as places to check-in. But like a gentleman, I decided we didn't need to go down that road. We kept it Christian.

I've been tempted to bring up this conversation before, as sure, there were other good looking location apps out there, like My Town. It was very seductive with its daily phone-vibrating worthless updates and reminders. But I stuck with you. Through thick and thin, downtime and uptime, through every stupid swarm badge, crunked badge, douche bag badge and all.

Sadly, I am telling you it's time for us to go our separate ways. I mean, what ARE we doing? We keep checking-in, but we don't really DO anything constructive or fulfilling. Where are we headed? Where will we be in five years? Our points are reset every week. There are no prizes. Hardly any restaurants are offering us discounts. I mean, I was the mayor of Taco Bell for 6 months and got NOTHING out of it. Not even a damn soft taco or cinnamon twist.

When did I start to feel this way? It may have been when I lost my Taco Bell mayorship, and I realized how pointless it was that I ever cared.

Plus, you're unreliable. There were times I was at super cool places and events, and I really wanted to show-off to my friends and followers. But you just keep spinning and giving me a frowny face about the Internets being down. Were they really down, or were you just being a jerk?

On top of that, since getting together, I don't think any of my friends have thought I was "cooler" for going to so-and-so place. In fact, I think they've been talking behind my back about how stupid we are together and how I go to Taco Bell too much. And I wasn't even sharing our outings on twitter and facebook!

Finally, I can't take it that all of my friends have to flaunt it every time they're out with you. I'm sick of knowing that they're at work five-days-a-week. I'm sick of knowing when they're home and then there's this sick part of me that you bring out, and it's all like, "he/she's lucky I'm not a rapists/murderer/stalker." I hate myself for thinking that way. It's a twisted world we live in, and the twisted don't need any assistance.

I've realized all of those fun badges were just pacifiers. They gave me hope that more cool stuff was to come ... but I'm just not seeing any results or light at the end of the tunnel.

foursquare, we're officially done. Over. Kaput.

Have a nice life.

-E

5 Stupid Rules I Had While Growing Up.

2010-08-19T11:21:00.000-05:00

I wasn't a bad kid. But I made some dumb decisions. And I guess that's why I had to have some stupid rules and punishments thrown at me by my parents as I grew up. Like these:

1. No Watching Scooby Doo. This was because I would attempt to stuff my face like Shaggy and Scooby at the dinner table. I wanted those big cheeks like they had. So due to their bad eating habits, no Scooby for me. Though I would sneak and watch with my hand on the channel dial should mom walk back in the room.

2. No Fashion Designing - Even If It's Sports-Oriented.
I was about 12 and my dad was in the hospital. With no access to Tecmo Bowl through most of the day, I grew bored. I decided to make my own fake baseball league, featuring fun uniforms and mascots. Once my mom saw my collection, she told me to stop designing baseball "fashion," as some people might think I'm "funny." (That means gay.) So I secretly kept design and kept the league of unis under my bed in a shoe box. Somehow, I didn't turn gay.

3. No More Than Two Plums Per Day.
I was obsessed with eating plums. If mom bought six, I was eating six that day. This, of course, resulted in stomach issues. But that didn't deter me. The joy was worth more than the consequence. I combated this rule by attempting to hide plums in the fridge so that the "base" number would be lower than the actual number. I think I finally learned my lesson at age 20 on this one.

4. No Break Dancing!
I grew up in the '80s and break dancing was freaking hot. My sister and I would try and spin on the kitchen floor, being cool and clapping each other on. One problem - I'm kinda loosely doubleish-jointed. So my arm and/or shoulder would always pop out of socket when I spun myself around. That meant a trip to the hospital/doctor every time we did this. Looking back, it was pretty funny to hear my mom or dad yell, "You two better not be break dancing in there!"

5. Limited Access To Portable Radio.
I hated when the Orioles played teams on the west coast. That meant the game start time, (10:35 p.m.) was way past my bed time. So I stocked up on C-batteries for my little radio, like pictured, and during the day tested how high I could have the volume before it was noticible in a quiet house. My first few trials failed miserably and I was caught, which meant my radio was confiscated. But I by the time another west coast trip happened, I had earned the radio back and mastered the method. Eventually I discovered the magic of headphones, circa '89.

Bad Movies I Like.

2010-08-09T13:33:00.001-05:00

The following movies do suck. But I like them. Always have, always will.

Nothing But Trouble
My most famous forbidden love. I enjoy how much thought went into the strange characters and ridiculous scenes. Like the big, greasy monster something twins. And the humpty dance guy in the courtroom. The fun house of horrors. So much bad creativity, put to bad use. I like watching to see what kind of terrible crappy ideas they throw at us next. Probably even more impressive in the theater!

Leprechaun
This movie is damn fun to watch. First of all, they actually build the main storyline, which is a non-factor in all of its sequels. Secondly, you have Jennifer Aniston's brilliant early-career performance. Thirdly, you have Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure playing a major role with a sort of Mice & Men flair. And lastly, it's a murderous leprechaun who runs funny! How can you not love it?

Howard The Duck
I was a youngen when this released, and as such, was caught up in the hooplah. Saw it in the theater and while the movie is pretty forgettable, the fact that the lead character was a walking, talking duck impressed my feeble mind. Stand aside Short Circuit and RoboCop. This ain't no robot. This is a walking, talking DUCK, acting like a REAL person, playing guitar, hitting on girls, riding a moped! SOLD.

Freddie Got Fingered
I'm a fan of Tom Green's comedy. This movie's a great Sunday hung-over morning with coffee and Gatorade cure. The story and acting's no worse than any in the American Pie genre. I think the only reason this one gets a bad rep from critics is because Tom Green's comedy is above, and below, their heads.

Twister
One of Helen Hunt's hottest performances. Enough said.

Cabin Boy
Chris Elliott ruled on "Get A Life" and he ruled in this movie. If you re-cast it with John Cleese or Eric Idle and slapped "Monty Python's" in front of the title, I think it'd be much more respected as a comedic cult classic. OK, yeah. That's giving it too much credit, but how could you ever forget the intense climax of the film as Elliott exclaims, "THESE PIPES ... ARE CLEAN!!!"

Today's Technology Is Overly Sensitive.

2010-07-14T11:15:00.002-05:00

My old Super Nintendo still works. My old Atari still works. My old walkman still works. My parents' TV from 1990 is still in working operation. And so does their cordless brick phone from the same time period.

My original Xbox, once repaired, is back to broken. My five-year old Xbox 360 is on its last leg. I've gone through four cell phones the past seven years. And my 2007 Corolla's motherboard/microchip has a dangerous bug where the car will randomly die on some random day.

So when did we go from buying things that lasted half a lifetime to buying more expensive items over and over, accepting the fact that they'll fall apart and die before Christmas?

Take for example video games. Old school Nintendo games rarely had game destroying bugs. While today's games 99% of the time require the download of a patch, after purchase, to fix terrible bugs. In fact, when it comes to sports games, you typically have to wait until the second patch before getting serious about getting into the game. Also, think of your mobile applications, and the times you've had to update them. More often than not, it'll list "Bug Fixes" as a part of the update. A final example is how right now, the new iPhone is smacked with a PR problem because of so many bugs and issues being reported. It's surprising how they missed so many problems while knowing they'd be harshly judged.

My opinion is that due to extreme competition, companies rush the development process so much today that testing is never complete and they'd rather get the cash grab upfront and deal with the PR debacle later. While in the olden days, quality was the hot button, today the new, shiny more advanced technology is the hot button.

People (nerds) today also seem more accepting of product failures, as long as they have the hottest new item to flash around and play with.

I'd like to see it swing back toward the quality days. Sure, new gadgets are great. But I can't stand half-assed programs, games, devices and mobile apps that constantly require repair. One patch leads to another, to another, to another. Slow down and get it right!

Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I'd rather be patient and wait until they have it right before shelling out hundreds of dollars.

Agree/disagree?

Life-Suckingly Awesome Entertainment

2010-07-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

So, I may vanish from the world for a while.
I got this over the weekend.

I can't tell which is more important now. My real life, or my character's life?

News Commenters Shed Light On American Spirit - Volume 2 - "Overly Aggressive Reactions"

2010-06-30T14:19:00.008-05:00

Yet another entry showcasing some of my favorite comments I've found this week in online news. Seems like people are feeling a little angsty these days.

Vol. 2 - Theme: Overly Aggressive Reactions:

COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

- Yahoo story about Randall Cuningham's 2-year-old son drowning.

"Just another example of a tragedy that could have been averted if someone had been watching the 2 year old instead of pawning him off to a disinterested and unqualified caregiver. Either way, a life lost, and proof that religion does not save lives-watching your kid does. Too bad for Randall, but he could have and should have done more to secure the area from an obviously curious little boy who is dead now because of ignorance-a warning to all those with any aqua related areas accessible to children-LOCK UP YOUR WATERPARK so a kid doesn't die."

HONORARY MENTION:
- FOX news story about missing teen being found
"Hopefully, she gets a job to pay back taxpayers for all the wasted resources."

MORE:

- CNN story about Wonder Woman's new look

"We're held hostage by any changes and decisions that are made without regard to our nostalgic preference. But, YOU my hollywood "shuffle cup" artists will suffer in the end!"

- CNN story about bees vanishing - in response to someone saying we're destroying nature:

"Nature intended us to live in caves, eat roots and never brush our teeth. Nature can bite me."

- Yahoo story on a coyote attacking children
"Just another reason to keep and bare arms."

- STL Today story about teen being struck by car and losing a leg

"She should have just went to be at 10:00 like the rest of us and she'd still be alive with both legs........"

Seen any good ones lately? Send'em my way and I'll post'em.

News Commenters Shed Light On American Spirit - Volume 1 - "America, F&%# Yeah!"

2010-06-22T11:40:00.011-05:00

I love reading what America has to say in the comment section of online news sources. Yahoo, CNN, Fox, etc. You always get a nice taste of what America really thinks and feels.

To hopefully inspire you to start reading comments regularly, every week I'll post some of my favorite finds.

Vol. 1 - Theme "America, F&%# Yeah!":

COMMENT OF THE WEEK!
- Yahoo story on BP:
~ "Why is it that “the good Christians” constantly support and vote for politicians who advocate drilling into the depths of hell to extract Satan’s body, blood and breath so we can burn it and spill it which pollutes God’s great gift of this earth we live on instead of capturing the clean renewable energy that God sheds down on us from heaven above each and every day in one form or another???
Because they have been fooled by Satan and are now Satan’s minions!!! And now they will drown in Satan’s blood!!"

HONORARY MENTION:
- Yahoo story on BP:
~ "We should have taken Canada when we had the chance, 2nd largest oil reserves in the world."

MORE:

- Yahoo story on immigration laws
"New special sauce coming to all taco bells and mexican food restaurants in nebraska and arizona!!!! IT'S CALLED SPIT AND BOOGERS!!! WHITE PEOPLE ENJOY!!!!"

- Fox News story on Arizona fires
"Was this a terrorist act by a disgruntled illegal immigrant? Hmmm... could be."

- CNN story on a serial murderer having issues w/ woman
~ "Well considering that women have abandoned the female role in order to take on the male role, I wonder what role they are referring to? I mean look around you. Is there really such a thing as a female role anymore? At best, the modern female role is just a poorly imitated pseudo male role. Who would value that?"

- Fox News story on an army general criticizing Obama
~ "McChrystal is a coward. Any person in the military that voted for Obama should be invited to a firing squad for tea and crumpets."

~ "since McChrystal voted for obama, let him sukc obama, eat obama, drink obama, love obama and wake up stupid for voting for the 1/2 breed moron in the first place...."

- Yahoo story on woman and "black" becoming firsts in SC elections
~ "If given the choice, a women or a black, take the woman! Anything blacks are in charge of, turns to $hit real quick!"

~ "ITS NOT WHO YOU KNOW, ITS WHO YOU BLOW"

- Yahoo story on Times Square bomber
~ "Who would fight and die for a religion based on a child molester called Muhammad. He had a 13 year old wife (one of many wifes). He was a child molester at best. We should make all radical muslims happy by letting them all go see Allah at the same time. Bomb the hell out of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

~ "WE NEED TO EXPORT ALL MUSLIMS AND THEN MAKE THE ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST A SHEET OF GLASS! :)"

~ "Nuke'm, take the oil and &#%'em all!!"

~ "HITLER BURNED THE WRONG PEOPLE,,,"

Seen any good ones lately? Send'em my way and I'll post'em.

Lunchtable Bartering - Grading Scale

2010-06-21T12:45:00.023-05:00

Remember lunch time at school? It was pretty much the most important part of your day, on a social level. Relationships were made, broken, fights broke out, make-ups happened, girls were asked out to prom, notes were copied, homework was done, some kids puked, some stole and some bartered.

Side note: To avoid burglary of my lunch, I used to get everyone at my table's attention and make them watch me lick everything (marking my territory).

Expert bartering became an important skill learned by only the keenest and hungriest. Amateurs were stuck w/ apples for cookies or, the worst, raisins.

To help those who may still be in need (office lunches can revert to childhood created systems), here is my hierarchy of how lunch table food stacks up on the barter scale:

(NOTE: This list is based off of common items in a lunch bag - excludes items that can be bought from lunch ladies.)

GRADE A / ELITE LUNCH ITEMS. TOP WORTHINESS:
> Lunchables - any flavor will impress
> Homemade Ham or Turkey Sandwiches - (made by mom, not dad)
> Brownies - real brownies, not those mini-block things
> Pie - pie kicks ass
> Cold Pizza - Awww yeah
> Cash Money

GRADE B / MUCH RESPECTED LUNCH ITEMS. LET'S DEAL.
> Full-sized Candy Bars - Snickers and Milkyways are my personal faves
> Chicken Breast or Leg - must come with complementary sauces
> Cherry Turnover
> Peanut Butter Filled Candy or Egg-Shaped Treats - an especially hot item during Easter
> Ho-Ho/Swedish Roll/Twinkie
> Fruit Pies - a Bobby Hill delicacy
> Chicken or Tuna Salad - Preferably on a loaded sandwich
> Pudding - if you don't like pudding, you need to find another lunch table. Unless you're dealing...

GRADE C / EH. BUT I'M LISTENING.
> Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich - meh.
> Apple/Orange/Banana - for the health-conscious
> Doritos - cool ranch is the best
> Designer Chips - kettle cooked, unique flavors
> Salad - only if you sit w/ girls will this item appear
> Cookies - There better be a lot of them, or they better be large and gooey
> Cereal - throw in the milk and we might have a deal

GRADE D / SERIOUSLY? GET OUTTA HERE W/ THAT STUFF.
> Applesauce - bleh
> Pretzels - bleh blah
> Basic Chips - zzzzzz
> Fun-Sized Candy - only if we're down to the end of lunch time
> Bologna Sandwich - are we in prison?
> Milk
> Jello & Gelatin
> Carrots & Celery - girls are bad barter partners

GRADE F / FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL YOUR MOM YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO RAISINS!
> Raisins

Am I missing anything else important?

My First Car.

2010-06-18T13:11:00.012-05:00

She was my first car.

> She was a cherry red, '87 Subaru GL-10 station wagon.

> She was named Suzanne.

> She rarely complained.

> She had a theme song: "Suzanne" by Weezer, from the Mall Rats soundtrack.

> She had very small tires which made driving in rain or off-road severely treacherous.

> She let me sleep in her roomy trunk once.

> She almost fell off the side of a mountain and into Mud River on a snowy night in W.Va.

> She was sensitive. Her tape player broke, muting the radio as well. An 8 D-battery powered boombox solved that problem.

> She successfully escorted 2 homecoming and 2 prom dates.

> She sported my high school football helmet stickers on her backseat corner windows.

> She had a digital speedometer, fuel gauge and RPM gauge. (Not very accurate readings.)

> She only accepted supreme, 93-octane gasoline.

> She had an amazing turning radius.

> She delivered pizza one summer.

> She disliked mountainous terrain.

> She was the first car my dad bought that he actually wanted.

> She was Japanese. Which didn't sit well w/ my grandpa, resulting in a year-long family fight.

> She was less than a year-old when I almost puked up a strawberry milkshake from Burger King in her backseat. Luckily, my Amu caught all my puke in his hands.

> She was traded in 11 years after her birth for a cool $400 toward a new ride.

> She was probably scrapped for parts.

Things That Make You Cooler As You Get Older.

2010-06-16T09:45:00.021-05:00

When you're younger, these things can have you labeled as a nerd, dork, dweeb, etc. But after you reach your early 20s, and so on, these skills, things and hobbies miraculously bump up your "cool" points.

> Playing Chess

> Having a Car That Works

> Wearing Braces

> Eye Patches (Great Icebreaker at Bars)

> Sporting a Bald Head

> Playing Violin or Flute

> Sweatbands

> Over-sized Sunglasses

> A Balanced Checkbook

> Riding a Unicycle

> Jokes that Don't Rely on Curse Words

> Top Hats

> Not Collecting Every Beer Bottle You've Ever Drank

> Having Cable

> Eating a Free Lunch

> Snorting While Laughing (Becomes Cute)

> Showing Up Somewhere in Your Underwear

> Being Good at Math (ie. Figuring Out How To Split Bills)

> Not Watching American Idol

> Good Hygiene

> Being a Farmer

> Writing Poetry

> Being a Vegetarian

> Knowledge of Fine Wines

> Having Poor Eyesight & Wearing Glasses

> Watching Discovery Channel & Nat Geo

> Reading Books

> A Large Vocabulary

> Knowing the Answers to Many Questions

> Chewing w/ Your Mouth Closed

> Having a Girlfriend

> Eating Your Vegetables

> Hugging Your Parents

Things I've Heard While Working At An Ad Agency.

2010-06-15T11:31:00.010-05:00

As close to accurate as I can remember, notable things I remember people saying over the years while working in the world of advertising:

~ "There is no such thing as an 'art' emergency."

~ "People will only look at this for 1-2 seconds before throwing it away. So we really need to get our message across in those precious seconds."

~ "Here is a pile of resumes. People who want your job. You're all expendable!" (Said as she threw the folders on the desk.)

~ "Let's go to Hooter's and find a model."

~ "You are the keeper of the sandbox."

~ "Please keep your dogs out of the restrooms."

~ "This is our senior art director. He's also a total asshole."

~ "Please don't use black people in our ads. They don't have any money and we need more white people banking with us."

~ "Revise this lingerie ad using a mother's day theme."

~ "This real estate agent had the first grandchild in the X city limit born in the new millennium. Use that in the headline, please."

~ "What's that noise?" "Fire alarm." "Can you see smoke?" "No." "Then let's finish this conference call."

~ "When I first saw your name, I wondered how you were a writer. I mean, your name makes you sound like you probably don't speak English."

~ "People pay us for our brains."

~ "You're painting your office this weekend. Go buy some paint and supplies, then turn in your receipt to get reimbursed."

~ "You are now in the brotherhood of the wolf."

~ "Don't eat the trout from the St. Charles river. It gave me terrible diarrhea all weekend!" (via company-wide e-mail)

~ "If you were a true artist, you wouldn't be working in advertising."

World Cup Teaches Me How To Watch Soccer

2010-06-14T13:34:00.011-05:00

Since I was a wee-one, I've always been a sports fan. And although my last name is affiliated with one of its all-time stars and half my heritage lives and dies for it, soccer is a sport I've ignored my entire life.

This past weekend, the U.S. played England in their first game of the '10 World Cup. Because my friends were gathering to watch it at a bar, I decided to go and educate myself on how to enjoy watching this sport the rest of the world murders each other over.

Here is what I learned:

1. Drinking beer is a must. The game has so much dead-space, and only tiny spurts of dramatic action, that drinking is essential in shortening those boring time frames, allowing you to only remember the good times.

2. Off-sides is a little confusing. I won't worry about that for now, and let the refs do their job.

3. Yellow cards are funny. I still prefer a penalty box.

4. Drinking beer in a noisy bar is a good idea. Must cover up those annoying horns.

5. There are many weird chants and nicknames. Some songs sound like old drunken Irish songs. That's kinda cool.

6. The best soccer players in the U.S. don't always play soccer. Because there ain't much money in it. But elsewhere, it's the other way around.

7. No commercials during play is fantastic. I love how the game just goes for 45+ minutes straight.

8. Being down 0-2 is an insurmountable deficit. May as well phone it in.

9. Added minutes to the half(s) are strange. Why not just count down and then stop the clock when necessary? Do other countries not have clocks that count-downward?

10. Watching at the bar = fun. Watching at home the next day = BORING again. And I could hear those annoying horn things again.

11. There are no cheerleaders in soccer. Football has cheerleaders to help pass the boring times. Soccer should put this idea in the hopper. Correction per "The Googly": http://footballfashion.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/soccer-babes-paraguayan-cheerleaders-porristas/

12. I find it very telling that all of the TV analysts are from other countries. Although the absence of Tony Kornheiser and Joe Buck is refreshing.

99 16-Bit Problems

2010-05-13T11:08:00.003-05:00

A very true to life video game representation of life:

Why Not!?

2010-05-03T15:45:00.004-05:00

Baseball Season Is Here

2010-04-09T10:55:00.005-05:00

Lep In The Hood, Come To Do No good.

2010-03-15T11:25:00.005-05:00

It's Leprechaun time.

"I come from the land of Irish Spring

Dublin's the place where I learned my thing
From the Emerald Isle to your place in the hood
I'm the man of green come to do no good

Lep in the Hood, come to do no good
Lep in the Hood, come to do no good

Plenteous dope, this place is hype
There's a lassie, she's just my type
I hate to resort so soon to magic
Haven't been laid in so long it's tragic

I'm so bad, I'm good

I'll show you what to do, so lend an ear
Don't worry, little lassie, you've got nothing to fear
Sit with the lad who's lean and green
And let me show you why I'm a love machine

Come to do no good

I'm a wee green guy who's new to town
Show me what you do when you get down
I'll do up, you go down
We'll cause a scene, you'll love the green

Lep in the Hood, come to do no good
Lep in the Hood, when we're bad, we're good

From the cliffs of Moher to your front door
Better turn out the lights and pray some more
We're gonna party through the night until the dawn
Then you and I are gonna get it on.

Lep in the Hood, come to do no good

Lep in the Hood, come to do no good
Lep in the Hood ...

Come to do no good."

Will Blu-Ray Live or Die?

2010-03-08T09:50:00.005-06:00

I'm curious. Before I invest $$ into buying my favorite movies on Blu-Ray, I must know. Will they go way of LaserDisc?

My Favorite Newish Albums

2010-01-29T09:09:00.012-06:00

Everyone's doing top 10 lists around me, so I decided to jump on the wagon. There wasn't much that grabbed my attention in '09. But maybe that's because I'm getting older, grumpier and stuck in my ways.

Regardless, here are my picks for the top 4 musical experiences of the recent past:

4. The Dirty Hearts, Pigs
I discovered this album back when I used to write reviews for PlaybackSTL. I'll save some energy and just give you a link to my old review.

3. Davila 666, (s/t)
This band is out of Puerto Rico and I caught them live back in July, about two weeks after returning from a vacay in Puerto Rico. I like this band much better live than recorded. Live, they're energetic, crisp, fun and catchy as hell. On the record, they sound like they're playing in a paper bag and using Fischer Price microphones.
Here's the show at live at Off Broadway in STL, playing the two biggest album hits:

2. Guns N' Roses, Chinese Democracy
Screw the critics. Put some ice on your Slash man crush. Axl never killed your dog, OK? This album is awesome. Yes, there's a bunch of fat on some of the songs, but they're fantastic at the core.

And after being a loyal, committed fan since '87, I was very pleased. If you want to know more about what I think, I did a whole post in it here.

1. Riverboat Gamblers, Underneath the Owl
One of my good friends introduced me to this band out of Austin via a live show here in town. A few days later, we caught them at the Double Door in Chicago - I was hooked.

The album is full of energy, hooks and good pure guitar-driven rock n roll. It's one of those albums that fits almost any situation, and one that's hard to get sick of. I can see myself listening to this stuff in 10+ years (if I'm not deaf yet).

Tracks that'll hook you: A Choppy, Yet Sincere Apology / Catastrophe / DissDissDissKissKissKiss / Victory Lap

Honorable Mention:
B&E, Chords To Live By
Just happy that fucking thing finally got done and out there.

I Believe There's A "Pants on the Ground" Conspiracy Going On

2010-01-25T11:23:00.006-06:00

Is the FOX (fair n' balanced) network controlling locker room celebrations? I think they are.

Here's a quick rundown that supports my conspiracy theory:

- After the Vikings beat the Cowboys last week in the NFL playoffs, their star QB, Brett Favre, led the team in a "Pants on the Ground" locker room cheer.

- The game aired on FOX, as do most Viking games (NFC).

- The show "American Idol" airs on FOX.

- The "Pants on the Ground" song n' dance is a big part of the show's promotional push this season.

- The show is in need of help now that its star judges are falling off.

- The FOX post-game cameras just happened to catch the entire "Pants on the Ground" dance.

- The National Anthem of the Vikings' next playoff game was sung by an American Idol "celebrity."

- FOX has already proven it'll do creepy viral marketing - like during the All-Star game a couple years ago. The camera focused for an uncomfortable amount of time on a creepy bald guy (pictured left) with a scary, robot-like stare. Turns out it was "human placement" marketing for an upcoming FOX show.

I may be wrong. But I think I'm right.

Why I Don't Trust The Fuzz

2010-01-18T15:26:00.001-06:00

Update: And Another!

Tell Me You Wouldn't Do It

2010-01-12T10:20:00.004-06:00

You're young in your profession, you're doing well yet people around you are rising faster than you. That's when a buddy lets you in on their secret - they're taking "x" which helps them work faster, more efficiently and lets them work longer hours without fatigue.

"Is it illegal at our workplace?"
"Nope. It's kinda, ya know, no one really talks about it. It's no big deal."
"Are you sure it's cool?"
"Man, if you're not taking "x" you're going to fall behind everyone else who's doing it. Look at Jerry. He just got a promotion and 50% raise!"

So you take "x." Your successes multiply. You start earning more money, people give you more respect and you may have even broken a few records in the process! What a ride!

Then you finally retire, buy that house on the hill you always wanted and just chill out.
Suddenly people start talking about how everyone who was taking "x" cheated.
You're suddenly a fallen hero, and now labeled a villain. You have no choice but to apologize and admit that you made a mistake. But are you really sorry?

Tell me how many of you wouldn't have done "x" when it was offered to you?

I Watch Movies Now - Quick Reviews

2010-01-08T13:16:00.019-06:00

It's true. After a decade-long drought of going to the theater maybe...4 times in that span, I'm watching movies again. How bad? I think Titanic and Water Boy are amongst the the last 10 I've seen.

Thankfully I discovered Netflix is on my Xbox 360, and it's cheap, easy and convenient. Like a Hot Pocket.

Anyways, I've watched a few that I meant to see a while ago. Here are quick-hit reviews of what I've seen:

District 9 - Awesome concept. Cool execution. Wasn't sure exactly what I was supposed to take away from it other than we're all a bunch of assholes who only care about others and what's right when we have to. Which I found to be a pretty unique takeaway. Only thing that made me say "huh?": Why were they testing weapons with the hybrid dude when they could've forced the prawns to do the same thing years and years earlier? 8/10

Food, Inc. - Great documentary about how food production in this country is controlled by just a couple companies. Main takeaways: We feed cows corn because it's cheap, but they can't digest it. And that's the root of many meaty illnesses / Monsanto is an evil company that enjoys suing farmers / Many illegal immigrants work in the meat factories. I liked this movie a bunch, until the end where they had cheesy copy like, "We can all make a difference. One bite at a time." Barf. 8/10

Cloverfield - I was excited to see this one. So much build up. So much mystery. Such a cool viral campaign that had so many nerds chattering online. I was quickly disappointed that the story revolved around this guy caring too much about some girl he slept with once, and she has a boyfriend. So he decides to risk his and his friends' lives to find her half dead in the demolished, monster-infested city. And yes, the mystery of the monster is cool - but if you're going to actually show the monster, could you explain what the hell it is and where it's from?! 5/10

Wal-Mart - The High Cost of Low Price - Much like Food, Inc. I dug most of it. Then the end lost me. Loved the stuff about how they encourage full-time employees to receive government benefit assistance and the Chinese workers' stories. Was disinterested in the overly long discussion about parking lot safety and groups keeping Wal-Mart out of their towns. Was great, then became a "I guess I'll flip through this Highlights magazine that I stole from my dentist's office a decade ago" kinda thing. 6.5/10

Paul Blart, Mall Cop - Don't ask why. It was there, so I clicked on it and watched it. Yes, all of it. A lighthearted, future family cable channel comedy. I'm not going to say anything more as that would point toward how much I paid attention to the plot and characters when I could have been doing something much more productive and useful for society. 3/10

Teeth - A dark comedy/horror indie film. I wouldn't watch it on a date night. I learned this lesson: Never piss off or force a make-out session with a woman who has shark-like teeth in her nether region. 5/10

Enron - The Smartest Guys in the Room - This was really cool. Never knew Enron was responsible for the California power outages. Never knew they had all their employees pumping about 100% of their 401ks into Enron stock. What a bunch of evil-fucks. And more of the same is probably happening right now somewhere else. This was my fave of the documentary bunch. 9/10

Mail Order Wife - This was a really interesting Mockumentary. Some reviews shouted, "It's FAKE! Beware!" - thanks morons. I found this movie intriguing in that it showcased how in every relationship, no matter who it is or where they're from, in some way each person has some selfish need or void they fill by using someone. My second fave, next to the last one... 8.5/10

Pineapple Express - Damn awesome movie. While there's a good amount of it and the plot centers on it, the movie's not just about smoking dope. It's more about following a couple of fuck-ups who get in way too deep with some bad guys and make some real-life choices/mistakes during some realistic freak outs. Hard to explain how good this was - one of those you have to just see. I'd watch this one again. 10/10

I've still got some movie catching up to do, but I'm working on it. Next up: "The Hangover" and then "Buffalo 66."

Got any good suggestions of what to watch next?

Christmas Memories

2009-12-22T13:33:00.010-06:00

Just a random rundown of things I remember during Christmas time:

- Being too efficient at opening presents, finishing my pile of gifts about 15 agonizing minutes before my sister was done.

- Working at CVS during three holiday seasons and hearing 'Feliz Navidad' at least twice per hour.

- Getting back at CVS by "borrowing" about 100 little Santa ornaments and handing them out to everyone at my high school. In fact, one of my friends sent me a picture yesterday of his 1995 CVS ornament being hung on the tree. CVS memories that last a lifetime.

- Learning the truth about Santa from my sister. I was in 5th grade, family was returning a watch she got from "Santa" to Caldor. I kept asking why we had to go to Caldor if "Santa" brought it?! My sister then asked mom, "Can I say it, can I say it?!" "Guess what Eammon, there's no Santa, there's no tooth fairy, there's no Easter Bunny, there's NOTHING!!!"

- Being sick w/ the flu when I was 5 or 6. Wake up Xmas morning and my dad had to open every gift for me, because I seriously didn't have the strength.

- Being jealous of my Jewish friend who got new Sega Genesis games all week long. I was most jealous of "Talking Joe Montana Football."

- Getting Tecmo Super Bowl. God damn I love(d) that game.

- Waking up at 5 a.m. for a few years straight, so we could start opening presents. Patience, I have little. And I wanted a full day to experience all Santa had brought.

- Having to shop at the Disney Store to buy my college gf a stupid Pooh stuffed animal.

- Making the poor choice of 'Back to the Future' for the NES as my one game for Xmas.

- On Xmas morning, having to wait 20-30 minutes for my sister to put make-up on ensuring she looked her best in photos.

- When my dad was sick w/ cancer in the hospital, stealing that ugly-ass little tree (pictured above) that came w/ his hospital holiday meal from the trash can.

- Spending all vacation working on building a playbook of pass patterns and practicing PATs w/ my neighborhood buddy Bobby. Then working on our Tecmo Bowl skills when it got too dark.

- With Xmas falling on a Thursday in '03, my job at Foot Lvlrs said if we didn't work the Friday after, we'd not be paid for the holiday. So I spent my first Xmas without any family that year sitting alone my apartment watching sitcom specials.

- Being laid off the week after Xmas two years in a row. In '02 and '03.

- Getting a Miami Dolphins sweat suit for Xmas from "Santa." WTF?!

- Beating my sister at chess for the 180th time. I've always kept an official tally.

- Picking out GnR's Spaghetti Incident and having to have my mom buy it because the guy enforced the Parental Advisory sticker.

- Getting gifts like collegiate themed nutcrackers, ornaments and XXXL sized shirts from my mom.

- A random guy in a Santa suit pulling up to our house in a green truck, bringing my sister and I candy canes. We never figured out who he was. (Maybe he was the real deal?)

Free Love on the Freelove Freeway

2009-12-18T11:24:00.001-06:00

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

2009-12-08T13:29:00.000-06:00

My Twitter-ific Buffalo Weekend

2009-12-02T19:20:00.051-06:00

If it isn't obvious enough from my other posts, I'm a huge Buffalo Bills fan. And last weekend I went up to Buffalo to see a game and meet hall of fame running back Thurman Thomas. And it was all made possible through the power of Twitter.

Here's How the Tweet-Ups of Tweet-Ups Went Down:
As an avid sports fan, I follow a few other NFL personalities like OchoCinco, T.O. and more. But few Buffalo players had been active (besides Donte Whitner).

That's why I was excited to see Thurman Thomas (@thurmanthomas) mentioned by someone on Twitter, and I immediately hit the follow button. I was one of his first followers, which allowed me to be part of his social media "welcome" crew.

Soon after his wife, Patti (@pthomas3434), joined. Then there was former Bills linebacker Darryl Talley (@DarrylTalley). For any true Bills fan, this was crazy cool as these two players are always at the top of fan favorite lists. (In fact, I was even a member of the Thurman Thomas fan club back in 1992 - yeah, laugh it up.)

Who Are These Guys?
For those who don't know (you non-football lovin' lame-o's), Thurman and Darryl were huge parts and personalities of the best teams in Buffalo Bills history (88-99-ish). I was in middle school/high school and some college when these guys were in their prime. I wouldn't use the term "idolize" but I definitely looked up to them for the way they carried themselves on the field. They were heroes to us Bills fans, and if you had told me back then that I would be sharing a beer and watching a Bills game with one of them 20 years later, I wouldn't believe you.

The Tweeting Begins
Back to the story: What Thurman, his wife and Darryl do on Twitter that's different than most athlete/celebs is they actually have conversations with their followers, each other and fans. They're goofy, friendly and funny. They quickly attracted a small community, me included, of followers who chat with them every single damn day.

A uniquely fun way the Thomases use Twitter is by using it to influence Thurman's sports radio appearance every Monday morning on WGR, Buffalo. Patti and Thurman ask followers to come up with a crazy word or phrase for Thurman to throw in during the show, and by God he does it every week. Some examples include the terms: squirrel fat, summer snausages and whizbag. Other times, Thurman simply talks about their goat, Chompy. Yes, the Thomas' have a goat, named Chompy. You can follow him too (@ChompyDaGoat). But Chompy's a whole-nother story...

Patti's the Ring Leader of the Twitter Circus
Patti (Thurman's wife) is definitely the ring leader of the Tweeting crew. And after some casual and fun conversations, and providing crazy-ass nicknames for her new followers, she upped the ante by offering trivia questions to win autographed pictures and cards from Thurman. Her questions were randomly fun, for example "What was the exact date Thurman and I met at OK State?" or "What did Thurman and I go for as Halloween last year?" After a few hints, someone would eventually get it and she'd gain a few followers in the process with all the Re-Tweets and constant guessing from followers.

And yes, she does come through on the prizes, as witnessed here (left) after I won a quiz contest around my birthday.

On top of all that, her and Thurman starting mentioning having a Monday Night Football party this fall where contest winners could come up to Buffalo and hang out with Thurman and friends at a bar.

Pulling The Trigger
After the MNF party date was announced, and after much internal deliberating, I decided to pull the trigger and buy a plane a game ticket for the weekend. What the hell I thought, even if the party falls through, I'll get to see the Bills game on Sunday and hang out with friends.

Patti then gave us winners the time and place for the party. Holy crap, maybe it was ON!
There were a few other Twitter friends coming in from out of town and we formed an alliance to make the most of our Buffalo weekend. One of our mutual Twitter friends then extended an invitation to his tailgate party as well.

Another cool aspect of this whole thing was that Darryl Talley couldn't make it to Buffalo for the weekend, so instead he took one of the most faithful Twitter fan/friend who lived near him out for a day on the golf course! How cool was that of Darryl!? (Pictured left on the greens)

I contacted my friends Bill and Cait in Buffalo (pictured right), who I met a few years ago during an ADDY judging gig. I bought our game tix to say thanks for letting me stay at their house. And I also offered to take Bill with me to the MNF Thurman party.

After a Thanksgiving stint in New Mexico, I finally arrived in Buffalo on Saturday. Immediately getting off the plane, Bill picks me up and we head to the HSBC Arena to see a Sabres game. My God, people in Buffalo know their hockey. But this night's just a blur...

Kicking-Off Game Day
We got up early Sunday morning to head to our Twitter friend's tailgate. It was a beautiful, perfect day. While it may have felt weird at first to meet a bunch of people who we only knew through chatting with Thurman and company on Twitter, we were soon posing for pics and enjoying the delicious deep fried turkeys our friend (@DTober82) had cooked up for us. All he asked for in return was for us to bring beer and he'd provide the food. Pretty good deal! (Pictured left is the Twitter crew tailgating w/ Patti Thomas)

After downing a few Labatt Blues, we saw on Twitter that Patti and Thurman were at the game too (they go to all of them in Buffalo) and she was wondering where our tailgate was. Sure enough, here came a golf cart with Patti and a few of her family members to greet us. She was just as expected: Funny, friendly and simply just enjoying getting to finally meet all these people she'd been chatting with on Twitter. She told us we were welcome to stop by her and Thurman's luxury box at some point during the game and then headed back toward the stadium.

Game time approached and we walked toward our seats. I had tickets for the lower bowl area and as I walked down the stairs, I heard a knocking from a luxury box--it was Patti and company. My seats were just a few rows up from their box seats. Wow. After a half-time ceremony that Thurman was part of, Patti told me I could come up and visit.

As I walked through the door, Thurman was the first one to greet me with a big smile, hand-shake and man-hug (you know, the one-armed, pat on the back hug) I couldn't believe how this had all come together. And from my Tweets, he knew where I'd been and what I'd been up to. So he asked how New Mexico was with my family and some of my airport stories I'd Tweeted about. There I was, in a friendly setting with a hall of fame player I'd cheered for, for so many years, sharing the experience of watching our favorite team together on a beautiful day.

I didn't need any autograph. Just hanging out, feeling like I actually kinda know the guy on a friendly level, and he knows me and we're watching a game together -- that's what it was all about.

After a quarter, I went back down to my seats and watched the Bills have the best quarter they've had in two seasons. The place was erupting and you'd never know the team's record was a dismal 3-7. What a fucking fantastic day. And knowing the Monday Night Football party w/ Thurman and company was the next night made the day even sweeter.

Monday Night Tweet-Up Thurman
So here it was - the big Tweet-up style party where all his best and most entertaining followers would get to meet and hang w/ Thurman and Patti (pictured with me below, right). As my friend Bill and I entered the bar, we were greeted by Thurman who was his normal friendly, smiling self. He took us back to the party and introduced us to the group.

The night was full of people introducing themselves with their Twitter handles (nerds), and discussing how cool it was to all be together for the night. Apart from myself, there were three fans who came far from other cities in Florida, Indiana and Texas. We all of course had our cheesy bonding moments and talked about our travels and experiences.

I went up to the bar to get a drink and the bartender informed me that the Thomas' were picking up the tab. And that food was on the way. Damn.

The Patriots vs. Saints game was now on and I was standing there with Bill watching the first series. Thurman came down and watched with us. Here we are, hanging out, watching football and drinking on Thurman Thomas' dime! For a Bills fan, it doesn't get much better than that.

After a bunch of photos, autographs and a raffle hosted by Patti (of course), the night was finally coming to an end. We all said our goodbyes and there were few moments were everyone wasn't smiling. This truly was a gathering of friends, and despite the fan-boy and fan-girl in all of us, spending time w/ the Thomases was normal, easy and friendly. I was afraid there'd be a Wayne's World "We're not worthy" moment, but we were spared.

Also, Thurman should be commended for making his rounds around the restaurant, personally saying hi and speaking with everyone at least twice. On top of that, he signed everything fans put in front of him and posed for close to 100 pictures.

Twitter Can Be Awesome
There you have it. A meeting, hang-out featuring a hall of fame running back and about 25 of his best fans made possible through Twitter.

Thurman and his wife were incredibly generous and thoughtful throughout this entire experience, and all of us fans in attendance feel lucky to have been afforded this opportunity. They are down-to-earth people who built a bridge between fan and star athlete like I've never seen done before.

Everyone in attendance, especially those who came from far away, have their own fantastic stories from the weekend, and if any of you are reading this I encourage to add your own tale(s).

I know this post is long and probably jumpy and un-interesting to some (f*ck you), but there was just so much to this story I didn't know what to include and exclude. If you'd like to know more about how this all came together, just ask.

And if you want to see for yourself what the hell I'm talking about, follow these guys:

@ThurmanThomas
@PThomas3434
@DarrylTalley
@ChompyDaGoat
And of course, there's me: @eammon

And I have a full library of my own pictures here.

Killer Whales Are Nobody's Friend

2009-10-30T16:11:00.005-05:00

OK, another post about scary things. You know what's really scary? Orcas. Killer Whales.

I'll preface this by saying fish, sharks, marine life and all that jazz are something I've always been into and wanted to make a career of. But I figured there wasn't much opportunity to make a decent living tending to an aquarium. So I have lots of useless, yet interesting, fish-related knowledge.

Back to Orcas, or as I call them the "Bastards of the Sea." These monsters are showcased at sea parks all over the place and most people think they're friendly whales. Let me clarify this: They are NOT whales. They're part of the dolphin family. And they are called "Killer Whales" because they actually KILL whales. And sharks, and anything else they want, like maybe you. Even the trained ones get pissed off and attack their trainers.

The interesting thing is, they're very much like humans. So each pack lives differently. Some groups are passive, some are hunters and some are just assholes. In fact, there's a famous case where a touring boat caught Killer Whales killing a baby "real" whale just for sport. They separated it from its mom, suffocated it, then let it die. Just to say "Yeah, this is our turf."

Here are a couple videos to prove why you should never trust these things, even at your local sea park.

I'll leave you with these words of wisdom: Mankind spent many years climbing out of the ocean through evolution. We have no business going back in there. Let's stay on land where things are a little easier for us.

3 Things That Truly Frightened Me

2009-10-28T10:15:00.014-05:00

In the spirit of Halloween, thought I'd share my biggest childhood frights.

1. The Nutcracker. I was a wee-one, just in kindergarten. It was around Xmas time, and while watching TV with the family, The Nutcracker came on. I fell asleep in the floor and proceeded to have a nightmare that the Nutcrackers were trying to kill my family. The scene included that creepy music and the elegant dancers. From then on, I couldn't stand to look at a Nutcracker - and I was sure there was one living in my closet, waiting for me to go to sleep so he could wreak havoc.

A week or two later, my kindergarten class was going to show the movie. I had to get a written note from my mom explaining why I needed to be excused from the viewing. I spent two hours in the principal's office playing educational board games with an aid.

2. Dummy Dolls. I still don't like these things. I always found them creepy and I had multiple nightmares about them.

One of my worst, most vivid nightmares ever featured a short little dummy doll hiding behind my bookcase. I was about 7 at the time. The doll was wearing a space costume and he just kept staring at me. My Sunday School teacher was walking down a dark hallway, looking for me. I was afraid to say anything, then the little guy jumped out and attacked her, ripping her head off. Pretty disturbing. Then he came back in the room and just stared at me. I then realized I was dreaming and forced myself to wake-up. So of course, this one stuck. I also had a dream that one came to life and beat up my mom while we shopped at the Woolworth.

Even Howdy Doody freaked me out after this. I remember an episode of Alf featuring a dummy doll that Alf swore was alive. I was totally on his side, and understood why hid the doll in the freezer. I may be over this fear now (mostly), but I'd still rather avoid them.

3. The Exorcist. Oh man. This one still lingers. I was 14, home alone for a weekend in October. I decided to rent this famous horror flick. From the opening credits, I felt uncomfortable. After watching it all, I decided to sleep on my floor for the rest of my life so that my bed wouldn't shake like Regan's. I made sure I was out of the house as much as possible for a long time. I'd stay up until I couldn't stand it anymore, so that I could fall asleep fast.

It took some time, but I finally got over it...or so I thought. In 1999, they re-released it to theaters with never-before seen scenes and enhanced audio. Knowing how much I hated this movie, my friends decided to drag me to a showing.

I thought this was my chance to finally beat and overcome this fear. This was my night to shine...not so much. With the first scene, my heart started beating fast. I made it until the never-before-seen-scene of the spiderwalk. Once Regan scampered down the stairs and puked blood, I was DONE.

Feeling sick, full of anxiety and all that jazz, I told my friends I was going to the bathroom. Instead, I went outside and sat on the sidewalk for the next hour.

I still get ridiculed for this. And I avoid this movie at any cost. So this Halloween, if we're hanging out and the Exorcist comes on, you'll understand why I start fumbling with the remote, trying to switch it as fast as possible. (Even finding a photo for this blog entry gave me the creeps.)

I Love This Ad

2009-10-27T15:16:00.005-05:00

(No, not this dinosaur on the left. The YouTube video below.)

Southwest Airlines is known for being adventurous and fun with their advertising. They love pithy, cutesy headlines and they've become one of the top social marketing companies in the U.S. Plus their website is one of the top travel sites out there. So in other words, they know what they're doing, and they tend to choose good creative from their agency(ies).

So when Southwest decided to a TV campaign promoting their "Bags Fly Free" message, what did they do? They didn't choose cutesy. They didn't try to be funny. They didn't go over-the-top. Instead, they chose to be awesomely simply.

The headline is "Why do they hate your bags?"
The tagline is: "Grab your bag. It's on."
The visual is just a baggage cart driver, smiling as he drives your bags around.
The voice over simply states the facts.
That's it.

There's no stupid final punchline (aka "Bud Light" finish). There's no funny facial expressions. There isn't a real call-to-action. And there doesn't need to be. Because when I think of booking my next flight, I'll be able to easily remember this happy SWA employee, driving my bags around, for free.

I Wish I Made This

2009-10-13T10:51:00.005-05:00

5 Things I Learned From My Trip To Memphis

2009-10-06T16:03:00.013-05:00

I took a road-trip down to Memphis for Goner Fest this September with a few friends. The line-up of bands was great and it was refreshing to see a city the size of St. Louis really get behind and support its music scene.

Not surprisingly, my favorite band of the weekend was Davila 666, from Puerto Rico. They played in the STL at Off Broadway back in July and had me hooked already. What was amazing this time was to see so many English-speaking people mouthing the Spanish words with the band.

On top of all the musical goodness, I came back with a few lasting impressions:

1. If I lived in Memphis, I would be obese. The food is incredibly awesome, yet full of things that are terrible for you. Plus, the service seemed to always be great which made you want to eat even more. A sampling of my eats: Payne's BBQ, Gus's Fried Chicken, Bryant's Breakfast platter that included four types of pig meat (bacon, pork, ham, sausage) and more fattenings I can't recall.

2. People here are nice. They have better manners and are more relaxed than most. Lots of smiling going on, too. And just as I mentioned, overall service is better than you're used to. Why are they so much happier? I don't know. But I'm sure if I asked them next time, they'd happily tell me.

3. There's a surplus of fantastic musicians in Memphis. With historic landmarks like Sun Studios, Elvis, the blues scene, Beale Street, it's no wonder so many kids grow up playing an instrument from the age of one or two, I'd assume. Ask anyone else who's been there and they'll tell you about some 14-year-old kid blowing them away on guitar. In Memphis, music's in the water.

4. Everybody wants 50-cents. Yep. Poverty is a prevalent issue down there. Everywhere you turn someone's hitting you up. I guess that's part of why the city is featured on the show "The First 48." In line with this, my favorite city billboard said this: "You got mad. You pulled the trigger. Now he dead. Chill. Don't kill."

5. The Civil Rights Museum really makes you think. It's built within and around the hotel that Dr. Martin Luther King was in when he was shot. And as you walk around the museum, look at that spot on the patio and watch the video footage, you'll then notice the dates. It really was not that long ago. Which to a Generation X-er like myself is fascinating, and scary.

Finally, thanks to travel partner J.Potter for taking the posted pics. And one last note - if you do go to Memphis, I don't recommend staying at the Red Roof Hotel - I'm still healing from the double-digit mosquito bites!

Cheap Excuse For A New Blog Entry

2009-10-05T17:35:00.001-05:00

The Most Beautiful Burger You've Ever Seen

2009-09-10T16:03:00.008-05:00

My agency, NGAGE, recently had an intense burger-grill-off at a coworker's house. If you were to go to Vegas and check out the odds on the least likely employee to win, that'd be me. For I have earned the deserved reputation for being a helpless bachelor, which means cooking is not in my repertoire. In fact, at a recent company outing, our office manager made the statement that Eammon "...is not good at doing, ya know, stuff."

In an effort of spite, and a love for proving people wrong, I went all out last weekend and shocked the world (well, those at the cookout and NGAGE).

It scored an amazing 5/5 and 5/5 from two unbiased judges, taking home the burger crown. An actual judge's comment: "This is the most beautiful burger I've ever seen. I'm in love...Salivating." With all this acclaim and press, I thought I'd put my recipe out here on the interwebs so people all over the world can enjoy this magnificent meaty creation.

Here goes:

Ingredients:
- Sirloin Ground Beef
- Fresh Jalapenos
- Red Pepper
- Red Pepper Flakes
- Hot Sauce
- Fresh, Big Tomato
- Lettuce
- Red Onion
- BBQ Sauce
- Sliced Mushrooms
- Quality Buns
- Quality Swiss Cheese

Step 1: Chop your Jalapenos into thin slices (de-seed)
Step 2: Chop your sliced Mushrooms into little bits
Step 3: Roll the Jalapenos and Mushrooms into the Sirloin Beef Patty (make the patty slightly rounded)
Step 4: Sprinkle the Red Pepper Flakes and Hot Sauce onto a plate
Step 5: Roll the chock-full burger patty around in this goodness, evenly spreading the flakes and sauce
Step 5: Place patty on grill - (20 minutes each side seemed to work well)
Step 6: Prepare your Veggies. You know what to do here.
Step 7: Brush the BBQ Sauce on the Quality Bun (both sides)
Step 8: Let the buns sit on the grill for about 45-60 seconds to get it toasty and in-bed the BBQ flavor.
Step 9: Put that Quality Swiss Cheese on the burger 60 seconds before removing
Step 10: Place a large Tomato slice on the BOTTOM bun (this provides optimum support)
Step 11: Top the burger with the Veggies.
Step 12: Push down a bit and there ya go. It's ready.

How did I come up w/ this recipe? I just wondered around the grocery store and when I saw something I liked, I put it in the basket. That's about it.

There is no photo of the winning burger, because it looked so damn delicious and was eaten so fast.

Bon' appetit' ya'll.

I'm Not A Good Widdler

2009-08-06T17:07:00.003-05:00

It's the best I could do.

BJ Surhoff Will Always Be My Hero

2009-07-14T09:19:00.008-05:00

With All-Star week going on here in St. Louis, I started thinking of all my favorite baseball stars from my childhood days. There was Ripken, Jim Rice, Mike Boddicker, Griffey Jr., Frank Thomas, Fred Lynn, Eric Davis, Alvin Davis, Kirby Puckett and Eddie Murray to name a few.

But above all, the player who earned my highest respect was BJ Surhoff.

A #1 pick by the Brewers, he was brought up to become a star catcher. But they soon found out he had so many tools, why waste him behind the plate and destroy his knees? Then there was the fact he was in Brew-Crew land, and at the time, they were the kings of mediocrity. That's when my Orioles landed him and my admiration affair began.

What was it about this guy that made him so irresisitible to a fan like me? Here's a rundown:

- His name's "BJ Surhoff"

- He always looked pissed off.

- After every swing, hit or even home run, he'd be shaking his head, talking to himself as if he could've done better. The man was never satisified.

- As an all-star, he somehow snuck into the home run derby. He usually hit about 20 per year. I think he was a 2nd or 3rd alternate. I don't think he hit more than 1 or 2. Weird and cool.

- He played just about every position, except pitcher, including DH.

- He was more consistent and clutch than Ripken ever was. He was so clutch. Freaking clutch. Ask any real O's fan.

- The man never got injured in Baltimore. Only in other cities.

- He was the best mid-round fantasy baseball pick who no one ever thought to pick-up.

- When Angelos (O's owner) traded him from to the Braves at the midnight hour, the man cried. He didn't want to leave Baltimore. I'll never forgive Angelos for making BJ cry. And for only getting Trenidad Hubbard and some minor league bust for him.

- In blowout losses, he'd scowl the entire time.

- Nobody but O's fans knew how good he was.

Today's all-stars got nothing on BJ.

I'm Not Turning My Twitter Icon Green

2009-06-23T10:08:00.011-05:00

Many of you know that I'm half-Persian (Iranian). Though I don't know much Farsi besides a few curse words, I've still got some family over there in Shiraz. So I pay extra attention.

With the election craziness going on there, we're seeing for the first time in our history how much impact Social Media is going to have on countries that try to control the flow of information and images. It's pretty interesting and exciting.

What I'm really excited about it is that this situation is finally putting a human face with the term "Iranian." Say that word to most Americans, and they instantly have an image of an angry terrorist trying to: "Take away their freedom and liberty."

Why is it that way? Well, we have movies like "Not Without My Daughter" that depict 100% of Iranian men as evil, controlling beasts. I remember playing a board game a few years ago where the final clue to a question with Iran as the answer: "Have you ever hated someone?" Whenever we see Iran on TV, it's people rioting in the streets, shouting "Death to America" or something of that nature.

We never see normal people, trying to make ends meet, feed their families and stay out of whatever craziness is going on up in the streets of Tehran. Why not? Because we have our own political agendas over there. And we're not a country to show much interest in how others live or why things are the way they are.

What people here don't get is that our media more one-sided than we'd like to believe. On top of that, we had a president at the time who couldn't say the words "Iran" or "Iraq" correctly. I say, if you can't say the name of the country you're invading, you shouldn't be allowed to attack.

Remember the Iraq war? Yeah, it's still going on. Before we attacked, did we hear any stories about the Iraqi people barely making it as it was? Where did they go? Are they "liberated?" What happened to their homes? Gee, I wonder why things are still violent over there?

Back to the Social Media aspect of this - we're finally seeing some unshielded reality in this world. These governments finally have a communication channel (SM) that they can't control. It's refreshing, while crazy at the same time. Still-shots simply can't do the justice that a 30-second YouTube video of people screaming and being beaten can.

In this instance, Twitter has become a vital news channel for the Iranian people. Because of this, people are shading their Twitter icons green in support of the people of Iran.

I was bitching about how lame and useless this was to a friend over the weekend. Then he brought up a very accurate term: "Slacktivism." Perfect. And Social Media is the modern-day epicenter of it.

By turning your icon green, what are you doing to help? It reminds me of signing a get well soon card for a coworker you've never met. You're not REALLY helping. You don't really know what's going on. But you want to act like it in front of your friends, and your social network. You join the Facebook Group. You re-post a bulletin. You shade your icon. OK - do you think the Iranian government is scared of this green icon invasion? Doubtful.

Iran has always been an American target, and it's funny that people are acting like they suddenly care. I didn't hear much uproar or see green icons when John McCain said, "Ya know, like that song, Bomb-Iran, Bomb-Iran."

If you want to turn your icon green, good for you. Do what you want. If it helps you dislike my heritage a little more, awesome. Should I go around wearing a green T-shirt asking for hugs for Iran, maybe your hugs will help, too. Regardless, I think it's all stupid and pointless. I don't think you really care. And I find you Tweeting about encouraging others to turn their icon green even stupider. You should've always realized that the Iranian people are "people," and they want out from the regime. What you see and hear about Iran on Fox News is not reality.

Plus, even if they reversed this election, nothing much would change. You'd just hear less offensive spewing of words. That country is still run by the same un-elected group you don't see or hear from.

I guess what I'm really saying is that it's going to take a lot more than green shaded icons to fix perceptions and what's going over there.

What I've Been Up To...

2009-06-14T21:01:00.002-05:00

It's been a real busy few weeks. At work and out of work. Here's a rundown of the highlights and lowlights:

- NGAGE lives. My agency was supposed to merge with Hughes a few weeks ago, but it all fell through. Fellow NGAGEr Rob posted about it here.

- Finally got some new guitar gear. A Marshall half-stack (Marshall DSL100MLB 100W Tube Guitar Amp/Cab). Ordered it today.

- Someone moved into my apartment building and keeps taking my parking spot. I'm either going to kick a dent in their door/break-off their mirror or leave another, more threatening note.

- My band's been busy gearing up for our CD Release Show on June 27 at Deluxe in Maplewood. Playing with our friends Left Arm.

- If you wanted to check out the album early, it's available here and if you search 'Chords to live by' on iTunes you'll find it.

- I've still not gotten myself an iPhone. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I fear change too much.

- Officially giving up on the Orioles this season. No 20th anniversary of 'Why Not'. Boo.

- Decided that I need to fly over an ocean twice this summer.

- Amazed that a lot of the news people are saying "Iran" correctly. When did they wise up? Must've been the "W" effect.

- Stopped thinking about and trying to buy a house this year. Ain't gonna happen for me. Too many years of barely breaking even.

- Discovered that if I get out of the habit of blogging, it's real easy to forget about.

I know

2009-06-08T23:08:00.001-05:00

I really should post another blog entry soon. Life's been a little too busy.
I'll do something interesting soon.

One Space Vs. Two Spaces After The Period.

2009-05-20T15:39:00.009-05:00

This is a topic that really divides writers, and readers.

For this entry, I'm not looking up any sources. This is all my opinion. And damnit, I think I'm right. It's easy to see that I'm a one-spacer.

One Space Wins. Why? Here's Why:

- I don't need someone to help me understand that there's a "pause" after the period. I've read enough sentences in my life to get it.

- It's like driving through a quaint neighborhood full of stop signs and over-confident pedestrians.

- It looks like crap when laid on good artwork. When everything else is tight, and there are these huge. Gaps. Between. Words. It looks like crap.

- Space is valuable. Why waste space? Add value. Not spaces.

- When you're co-writing a document with another writer and he/she uses double-spaces, it's annoying as hell to fix.

- I can see a grandpa or grandma enjoying little breaks between sentences. But I'm a busy fucking guy. And you're busy too. Gimmie the info now. Impress me with cute punctuation later.

- AP says one space. They've spent years studying this. Let's listen to them.

- This isn't a high school essay paper. You're not trying to fill a ton of space with as few words as possible anymore.

- Furthermore, who double-spaces anymore? I say, no double-space, no two-spaces.

This is my stance. Long live the one space!

'Chords To Live By' Exists

2009-05-19T11:02:00.001-05:00

My personal 'Chinese Democracy' is finally done and physically exists. Wiping sweat from the brow.

Growing Tired of the "Stupid Guy" Creative Strategy

2009-05-08T15:45:00.008-05:00

The topic of portraying men, typically husbands, as idiots in ads has come up now n' again, but it never seems to spark too much interest nor conversation. Regardless, I'm going to talk about it.

The first campaign to catch my attention as to how stupid I'm supposed to be was the Hardee's breakfast commercials that showed guys who couldn't open a bag of bread or crack an egg. They were too dumb, and without Hardee's they would literally "starve." OK, I get it. Ha ha.

But aren't you targeting these guys? Why are you putting them down? This was a short-lived campaign, movin' on...

Every nighttime cold remedy or cleaning product likes to characterize the wife as being the smart one using the touted product, while the stupid guy goes for ole' generic brand. Of course he's coughing and sneezing all night, feeling terrible in the morning. She awakens well-rested and smugly ready to take on the world. Why am I supposed to feel good that her husband is going to have a terrible day? Don't they both have to work full-time for that nice bed and home?

There was also a bit of an outcry against Verizon's "Homework" ad a few years ago portraying a dad as an idiot who couldn't help his young daughter, being sent outside like the family dog by the wife. You can read all about that and then some here.

The most offensive current culprit is Dairy Queen. If I had to guess, I'd say a their creative team is led by a female who thinks the brand's only target is women escaping idiotic husbands. Or she really hates her ex.

Exhibits A, B and C

Guy being dumb n' stupid #1:

Guy being portrayed as gross and stupid #2:

Guy being portrayed as a chauvinist jerk deserving of revenge:

There are two new DQ ads out there right now from the same mold. Can't find the videos, but they go something like this: Wife tells guy he's wrong. He says, no you're wrong. He's then proven wrong and she has to roll her eyes at his stupidity. And we all have a good a laugh.

Perhaps going after women smarter than their husbands is the brand's strategy. Maybe I'm too dense to understand.

But damn. If the stereotypical standard for my intelligence is that low, I should be a pretty impressive specimen at my local DQ and their ad agency. Should I ever interview to join their creative team, I wonder if they'd talk real slow and put a helmet on me?

I mean, I kann all most right compleet sentenses. Blizerds are dlishious! Uhhoh, pull my finger! My hed is wear my ideyas cum frum. Is i redy to start righting adds for u!?

The Story of NMR Part 2 - The Making of '8 Weeks From Miserable'

2009-05-05T09:10:00.009-05:00

With Casey manning the drums, our songs finally had a beat. And amazingly it wasn't the same beat for every song (we're looking at you Bryon).

The first song we tried out was my masterpiece, "The Wall."

I came up with a small keyboard part, and Bryon had a catchy little guitar part. For the chorus, we had no idea what to do behind my brilliant lyrics, "Holy schnikees, you gotta wall / Holy cow, you got it all / But still, you've got this wall / And I can't, can't get it to fall." Casey just added a big drum fill and kept rolling over the toms...it was then that magic of NMR sparked. All we had to do was count on Casey to make some cool fills and we were money.

Song by song, we took the nuts and bolts and put them together. Half the stuff wasn't so bad.

Bryon's guitar amp was tiny, so it was a little difficult to hear whatever the hell he was doing. And my keyboard and Brett's vocals were coming out of a bass amp...in hind-sight it all probably made us stronger.

Brett was our singer. Brett's musical ability resides in his charisma. I sang the songs "Patience" by GnR and "Attitude" by the Misfits. In these songs, Brett was playing the tammy. Brett was not good at playing the tammy. The band had a secret meeting, deciding that we need to take the tammy out of his hands. During a practice break one day we took Brett aside and broke it down, "Brett, buddy, tammy's a little heavy." Near tears, Brett handed it over.

After having about seven originals and four covers (GnR and Radiohead) Brett found us a gig. It was a party in Silver Spring. We rented a PA system, packed up Bryon's dad's van and hit the road.

We gave it our all, but sadly we had no confidence. Most of the crowd went around to the other side of the house by our fourth song. And mostly we heard, "We love you Brett!" further solidifying the choice to use Brett as the front man. No matter how much we sucked, chicks still dug Brett.

This was also a good lesson - as it was not like the gigs you see on TV, for example: Disney Channel loves to show bands playing to hundreds of immediate screaming fans. Reality: People judge you -- hard. In our case, if only they knew how much we used to suck?

Feeling somewhat defeated, we only had a couple more practices before we all went off to college in different states. Brett then sprung on us that he booked us studio time -- starting that weekend?!

We buckled down and did it - laying down the tracks at Redwood Studios at some kid's house for six of our seven originals. The only omission was a track called "Memory" which I may recharge and bring back someday.

Some fun recording notes:
- We brought in Mark Krida, a real bass player, to play on "Blow My Freaking Head Off." He's a pro musician in Seattle now.

- Bryon said it was humanly impossible to go from a G-Chord to a Bm-Chord on guitar. So on our recording, there is no guitar whenever a Bm is played.

- To this day, no one knows what the the track "Riverwide" (my first piano masterpiece) is about. Excerpt from Brett's lyrics, "Alone, distant, in the dark of the light / Collected. Elaborate. / In the eye of the storm. / Burried in the sand / Burried in the snow / You found out our past / Candle blew out the truth."

- "The Wall" got airplay on 88.1 FM WMUL. Mostly because I was a DJ on there.

- All of Brett's lyrics had to do with beaten girls. We don't know why.

- One of the funniest moments in the studio was when Brett went in to do his vocals. The engineer asked us how he was. We all chimed in, "Man, he sucks. Think you can help him?" "Yeah, he's pretty terrible." Brett then looked through the window, "I can hear everything you guys are saying." We quickly played it off as a joke.

- The song "Bitter Queen" was called "Pork Pie" for a long time.

- We were selling a tape full of garage recordings to our friends for $5. I need to track that thing down somewhere.

- We all went away to college after the recording and Casey stayed behind to do the final mixdown.

- We called it "8 Weeks From Miserable" for obvious reasons.

What happened after the release? When we returned that next summer, we were determined to improve. And we did. We wrote some pretty good songs. Even one about Brett's dog, Tia. We were all about 50% better on our instruments as well.

At the end of the summer, we scheduled a final show, knowing the band would be difficult to keep up past this point. Here's a rundown of what happened:

- About 30 people were coming to the house. Mostly Brett's sister's hot friends.

- We rented a PA. We were also going to record this thing.

- We were well-rehearsed and ready...and then Bryon got called into work at Pizza Hut the night of the show.

- Show was cancelled and NMR never played again.

- The next day we tried to record our live show on audio tape through the PA, minutes before it was due back to the store. We got through it, took the PA system back and then realized Brett had the "Dubbing" button pushed on the recorder and therefore nothing was recorded.

- In 2001, the last song written by NMR was recorded in Bryon's basement with keyboard drums and Casey playing the tammy. Brett came to do his vocals, and after five hours we finally had it down. Then Bryon's mom came to downstairs to do some ironing and unplugged the computer. All Brett's vocals were lost, forever. A bootleg version remains, with my friend Cooper doing the vocals and an additional guitar part, which Bryon did not take to kindly.

- Of course we had a Geocities Web site full of stuff that would be great to read n see today...but alas Geocities deleted it for some reason.And many old NMR pictures are gone forever.

Pictured left is the last time we reunited in '05 for Brett's wedding. The only way NMR will ever play again is if the four of us are ever in the same city with access to instruments.

Our fan-base can only dream.

The Story of NMR Part 1 - My First Band

2009-05-01T11:14:00.009-05:00

This is the story of NMR - The Naked Mole Rats

It was 1997, the end of my senior year at FSK high school in northern Maryland. Someone was having a graduation party. My best friend Brett and I told the guy we'd make a band and perform...with just three weeks to go. We decided to call ourselves the Naked Mole Rats because we doubted anyone else had that name. And we saw some special about the funny creatures on an educational TV show while talking about the "band."

We recruited our buddy Bryon to play drums, because he'd mentioned being able to keep a beat. Turned out, he knew only one beat and stuck to it.

Brett was the charismatic guy, so naturally he was the singer. Plus he had a guitar, so that was covered. I chose the keyboards, because Brett's sister had one we could borrow (pictured left). Our first practice was in Brett's bedroom with Bryon playing drums on the window sill with pens.

It was then that we realized none of us knew how to play our instruments. I also realized my keyboard would only play one key at a time. So our melodies were a bit limited. But I came up with a few and our first song was called "We're Out & About" - a song about graduating high school of course.

After two days of thinking we were awesome for coming up with something, we realized we needed someone who really knew how to play an instrument. We recruited a junior named Mike who was a real guitar player. He chose the nickname "Skunk."

We practiced one more time in our friend Kevin's basement. (He grew up to be the Mr. Universe winner a couple years ago on the Anna Nicole Smith Show.)

I wrote my first song called "The Wall" about a double-date with Bryon I had where we took two ladies to see Mighty Ducks 3. Then I wrote one called "Blow My Freaking Head Off" about asking a girl to prom and being rejected. My third and final contribution was a song called "Top Cheese" which was about working at Pizza Hut, and remembering to apply the top cheese.

We realized we were not a "good" band, so to compensate we would wear 3-piece suits and look professional. We even recruited two girls to dance on stage with us to get the crowd riled up. They were our "Sisters in Pain."

Show night finally came. And we fucking sucked. Bryon played his one beat for every song, never stopping until Brett would scream at him that the song was over. I found myself hunting and pecking on the keys, feeling the pressure of a disappointed crowd. Skunk quit after our third song. He just put the guitar down and went in the house. The Sisters in Pain quit after that, saying we didn't have a beat. The three of us troopers finished the show.

While we packed up, a friend gave me some great advice, "You know, you guys need to learn to play the same notes at the same time. I think you'd sound a lot better."

Brett, Bryon and myself regrouped and vowed to get our act together and move past the debacle.
We hired our buddy Casey to play drums. He's an awesome drummer, and everyone knows a good drummer can make a sucky band, a less sucky band.

Bryon moved over to guitar, I stayed on keys and he and we started teaching ourselves how to play for real. The first songs we picked were November Rain, Amazing and Knockin' on Heaven's Door.

After a week or two of behind-the-scenes self-learning, we hit the garage and the "real" NMR had its first practice.

To be continued...

Today's Workplace iTunes Playlist

2009-04-30T09:10:00.008-05:00

Regular Stuff:
Movie Star Junkies - Melville: Saw them Saturday at Lemmons. Cool garage band from Italy.

M. Ward - Post-War: Had a few singles from him for a while, finally got the full thing.

Riverboat Gamblers - To The Confusion/Newest One: My friend Potter got me listening to them. Seeing them at Pop's pretty soon. Digging it, digging it.

Bjork - Vespertine/Volta: Cool, cool stuff.

Valient Thor - Immortalizer: Ahh yeah!

Loaded - Sick: Duff's new project. Kind of forgettable, but it's OK.

McClusky: Yes, yes, yes.

Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy/UYI2: Put these together, and you'll see why Axl did some of the weird things on CD. And UYI2 is classic, but not as good as people want to remember it as.

The Dirty Hearts - Pigs: Awesome indie rock from New Mexico. Highly recc. a listen.

Chromeo - Fancier Footwork: Finally, some R&B I can get into.

AC/DC - Black Ice: BORING. Snooze. Cutting it.

Bronx - The Bronx: Big guitars, lots of shouting. It's good!

The Action Design - Never Say: Good indie touring band we played with last year. Chick lead singer, synth, good stuff.

Tommy Stinson - Village Gorilla Head: One of my favorite albums. Replacement-esque diverse rock.

Local Stuff:
The Blind Eyes - Modernity: Nice workplace music. Easy on the ears and melodic.

TOK - Long Tall Cobra Box: Recording quality kicks ass. Songs go a little overboard on parts and feedback.

Walkie Talkie USA: Demo recording the lead singer gave me back in '06. Really good poppy indie rock stuff.

Sex Robots: Good indie punk rock. Straight ahead, catchy.

The Safes: Not technically local, they're from Chicago, but they play here a lot. Good, good.

Left Arm - Dissatisoul/Extras: My buddy's band. One of the best garage bands in town. Drummer is lead singer. You should listen to them.

B&E - Various Stuff: My own band. I'm sick of listening to us. Giving it a month break. So yeah, I'm gonna delete this one for now.

That should take up the entire day...

The Best Girlfriend I Ever Had

2009-04-24T15:53:00.014-05:00

I don't normally post about relationship crap. But I'm up for a blog-change-up, so why not?

The topic of relationship and dating complications came up with a friend recently, and it reminded me of how simple things used to be. Where did it all go wrong?

My best relationship started at age six and ended a couple years after. It's all been downhill from there.

Her name was Carly. We were an awesome couple, one of the best-looking on the block (as you can see above).

Here's why she was the best:

- We never had to pick a place to eat or play the part of a backseat driver. Our parents did all that for us.

- We had a strict bedtime. So we were always on the same schedule and well-rested.

- Ice cream after dinner came standard. And we never had to scoop it out ourselves.

- Deciding "What to do?" was never an issue. We could consume an entire weekend with just a few boardgames and an Atari.

- No Internet or cell phones. So there was no chance of getting into technological mischief or checking in on each other too much.

- We could sleep at each other's house, and our parents were cool with that. (Plus, no awkward mornings.)

- If she was cheating on me, I'm sure her mom would tell my mom.

- Her family had a pool table.

- Picking out and buying gifts for each other took minimal effort. Only had to sign my name to a card and pretend I played a part in buying it.

- If we had differing opinions and were about to argue, we were easily distracted things like McDonald's characters or new episodes of Voltron. Water under the bridge.

- We each had plenty of time to hang out with our friends--no questions asked.

- We were too young and free to worry about anything but having fun together.

She was an awesome girlfriend. What the hell changed since then?

Did Facebook Shoot Itself in the Foot?

2009-04-22T15:29:00.007-05:00

Facebook had an awesome thing going late last year, early this year.

Everyone was on it. Everyone was signing up. We were all hearing from people we hadn't heard from in years. It was comfortable, private enough and fun to interact. We all had the platform down pat, knew how to jump around and play.

Then they had to go and change their layout, for no good reason. I don't understand what they were thinking. It was not broke. In fact it was flourishing. So why try and fix it?

Ever since the layout update, I've seen a dramatic drop-off in activity.

Here's why I think Facebook should have waited at least another six months before their layout/platform update:

- Many of their new members were already skiddish about starting an online life. They're private and don't want to be easily found. So once they learned the system, they didn't want it to change.

- The old-timers were so nimble and quick with the platform, a change meant re-learning all their shortcuts and routines. These old-timers don't like being annoyed or slowed down.

- Group and Fan pages changed way too much. Facebook was great when it was just about the people. Now that groups have new, strange powers, it's too intrusive on what the spirit of Facebook is all about. Leave that stuff to MySpace.

- On that same note, should you be the owner of a Facebook group or represent a band, the interface is very user-"I hate this thing"-unfriendly. Adding events, photos and just about anything else is a headache. They really needed to button this up before its release.

- Those annoying applications keep growing and gaining strength. Most of the updates I see now-a-days are application based.

- The homepage resembles Twitter way too much - even if it works differently, it puts a bad taste in people's mouths. They think it's a rip-off.

- Finally, I think people found the layout update as an excuse to say "F-this" and check out other social media networks. People then either became dis-enchanted, scattered, agitated or found themselves too removed from their Facebook routines.

That's my opinion. I still like Facebook. The new layout is fine. I just think they should have stayed the course and kept working with the momentum they had before changing it all up.

Best. Game. Ever.

2009-04-16T21:15:00.006-05:00

My generation grew up in the Atari/Nintendo era. We were told by our parents that we'd outgrow our games, that we were wasting our money. Now that I'm older, I'd say I haven't outgrown the games, they've outgrown me.

As I sit here on a rare "empty" night, I was considering playing a game. But I know I won't play it again for weeks...months. And these newer games are so complex, it's hard to just pick up and go with it.

I'm reminded me about my favorite game of all-time.

Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball for the Super Nintendo.
I got it in 9th grade. Doing some math here...I played over 1,000 games. And if my SNES wasn't buried in my storage space, I'd dig it out and play it again tonight. No other baseball game has ever come close to this masterpiece. The All Star Baseball series got close, but no cigar. And the MLB 2K series is pure crap.

I remember instead of reading a book before bed, I'd play at least one game of KGJB. I went through multiple 162 game seasons. Playoffs. Etc. As for modern baseball games on today's platforms, I've yet to finish one season. Partly due to time-restraints, but also due to how uneasy and un-fun these games have become.

When it comes to Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball, the controls are easy. The game flows perfectly. The realism, it's as good as it was going to get. You could name your players - I remember naming my guys by the names of the band members and songs in Arrested Development. I had just bought that album. 'Speech' was my ace and 'Tennessee' was my slugger.

Sometimes it's not all the bells and whistles that makes a great game. For me, it's being able to pick it up, get involved right away and forget about whatever was bugging you during the day.
But maybe there's a big generational difference in what X and Y are looking for from their gaming experience. X started with one button and blobs on screen. Y started with no less than 6 and characters that looked like characters. X had to use their imagination to make the games more fun. Y expected to be enteratined.

Here are some fun highlights from the game...

"Bags." Fad or the Next Golden Tee?

2009-04-12T23:02:00.007-05:00

Bars everywhere have installed the arcade game "Bags." It's in the same form of Golden Tee, but instead of golf, it's throwing bags in a virtual backyard.

I had never heard of the game "Bags" before this new craze. Sorta like horseshoes, but without the danger of being smacked in the face with a piece of metal.

My question is, were people writing into video game creators, begging for "Bags?" Or did market research tell manufacturers and higher-ups that "Bags" was the perfect blend of entertainment qualities to pick up where Golden Tee peaked off?

I've just found it very awkward, and funny, asking people in bars if they're up for playing a game of "Bags."

The few times I've played, I sucked. I lost. I was even concentrating hard, as you can see in the photo. The wind factor in the game has insane influence. And I don't quite understand how there are so many ways to toss a bag. Perhaps I'll catch on soon, and in a few months, it'll be something of the norm to gather the guys, and maybe some ladies, for a night of beers and bags.

Even Cyber Stalkers Are Excited For Easter

2009-04-09T17:27:00.006-05:00

Found this here.
NBC 10's Jim Taricani tries his best to get her side of the story pertaining to the charges against her for "cyberstalking" a Providence, R.I. costume store competitor.

Am I Ready For The iPhone?

2009-04-07T15:15:00.007-05:00

When I first thought of getting myself an iPhone, I was excited by the notion.

Now that it's becoming a closer reality, I'm wondering if I'm ready enough.

I've been a loyal Sprint wireless customer since 2001. I still even use my old Virginia-based number.

They used to be the cream of the crop. The best. My Kyocera was so sleek n' cool. My Nokia was a workhorse (my friend Tad still uses that dinosaur. I think he's on his third battery). My new Katana II is...fine. Eh, whatever.

When I renewed my Sprint contract this last time, my experience reminded me of how shitty their customer service is. This was further reinforced when I learned my $50 rebate was rejected, because the guy didn't correctly sign me up for a two-year agreement. He was visibly confused during my transaction due to my ancient/primitive plan from 2001 that had never changed. He had to call corporate HQ and it was quite an ordeal. Whatever the case, I was now mistakenly on a month-to-month deal. And I'm pretty happy about that. Ain't gonna fix it.

Whenever this Katana II dies, and it's getting close, I'm headed to the AT&T store and I'm jumping into the digital age. No longer will I only be a speakerphone/texter. I'll be a mobile information superhighway surfer without an off-switch.

As my iPhone day approaches, I'm wondering--do I really want to be THAT connected to the Internet? Will I ever be satisfied with the real world that's in front of me again? Or will I constantly be distracted by the "what if" and "who's saying what now!?" and "Whoa, new mail!" on my iPhone?

Yes, trivia nights will be easier. Facebook and Twitter updates will be quicker. And proving points like "The song's Yellow Ledbetter, not Yellow Bedwetter!" will be more "In your face, jerkface! I was right. You were wrong!"

But I kind of like being "out of pocket" at times. Makes people appreciate you more when you ARE online. Once I'm available digitally 24/7, I'm afraid my warm welcomes will disappear. They'll be replaced with, "Oh look. Surprise, surprise. Eammon's online. Woopity doo. Get a life, nerd."

I don't want to be that guy. Or is this the way the future will be? Is this my destiny? Where unplugging yourself is reason for panic?

Right now my Katana II and I have a good balance of real life and digital life. But that damn iPhone is too tempting.

I just hope I can stay the "cool" not ALWAYS available online guy who I strive to be.

My First Information Super Highway Experience

2009-04-03T09:36:00.008-05:00

Like a virgin, I first surfed the Internet at a friend's house in 1997.

We usually innocently played "Talkin' Baseball" on his monster-sized PC. (We had dreams of becoming pros one day.) But out of the blue, his parents decided to try out this home Internet thing. I don't think we ever played that baseball game again.

My buddy Mike was so excited to show off the world wide web to me. My hazy memory says the service provider was "Compaq"or something similar with a "C," but I may be mistaken. We were using Netscape with its awesome spinning globe in the corner.

Being the sports nerds that we were, the first place we went was a sports chat room. It was a primitive, text-only little window. Each team had its own room. I entered the Buffalo Bills room.

Immediately someone said, "The Bills suck!"
I responded, typing angrily, "No way! You suck! The Bills rule!"
Someone else chimed in, "The Jets rule!"
I responded, "You suck!"
Another user popped up, "Yeah, you all suck!"

This went on for about 10 minutes, which was enough time to really make my point and change some minds all over the country... maybe the world.

Mike then entered a Bengals chat room. It was a similar conversation.

I began to wonder, is the Internet just a place for people to tell each other that what they like sucks?

Now 12 years later, I'm still wondering.

Are we using the same principles of "No, you suck!" but speaking in a much more intelligent, "You Suck 2.0" way?

The landscape is different. The intelligence level has risen, but sometimes I feel like the message remains the same.

STL Band You Should Check Out

2009-04-02T09:58:00.006-05:00

On Saturday, my band B&E is playing with fellow STL punk rock band The Hail Marys.

I think they're one of the better bands in this town, and their album 'Faith, Forgiveness, Sweet Reven ge' is pretty kick-ass.

I even gave it a review a while ago here.

The female lead singer has an awesome Distiller's type voice and the music is just straight ahead, no frills, power chord rock.

Even if you can't make it out to the gig, check'em out. And listen to their hit "I'll Be Okay" on their MySpace page.

Just Keep Climbing. And One Day, You Too Could Reach The Top.

2009-04-01T17:05:00.004-05:00

Let her be an inspiration to us all to never, ever give up.

20 Years Later, I'm Still Saying 'Why Not?'

2009-03-31T09:04:00.011-05:00

With the 2009 baseball season about to start, and as a longtime Orioles fan, it only took a moment to realize that this is the 20-year anniversary of the ''89 Why Not' season.

95% of you have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll explain:

In 1988, the Baltimore Orioles had the worst start to a MLB season in history. 0-21. I remember watching almost every one of these games as a kid, wondering how this was happening? We had Eddie, Ripken, Boddicker, Rick Storm...what the hell was wrong with us? Finally, we beat the White Sox on our 22nd attempt (promptly losing the next game, too.) We were one of the worst teams in history.

The next season, management shipped off a lot of the veterans and brought in a bunch of no-names. Like Finley, Bradley, Quirk, Orsulak and Malacki. Frank Robinson was the manager and many experts picked the team to finish last. One writer even said he picked them to finish dead last, because there was nowhere else lower to put them.

On opening day, we faced Clemens and the Red Sox at Memorial Stadium. I got home around 3 that day from school, tuning in as fast as possible while eating a fruit rollup and root beer. It was a tight game, until Cal Ripken broke it open with an 8th inning blast. It was the perfect banging start to what would become a magical year.

These no-name Orioles went on to be in first place almost every day of the year...until a late slump and then surge by the Toronto Blue Jays. It all came down to a weekend series in Toronto where the O's had to win 2 to tie, and all 3 to win the division and make the playoffs.

Before I give away the end, I own the video "Why Not?! The Story of the 1989 Baltimore Orioles." You could only get this video at Superfresh grocery stores or the stadium for like $40. It was barely in print, making it a rare gem. I couldn't even find pictures or video of it to share.

I spent my hard-earned birthday money on it back in '90. And I'm glad I did.

Now my memory of that '89 season is not dominated by the Billy Ripken "Fuc* Face" Fleer card.

Here are some highlights of the video:

- Cheesy theme song with timely cuts of newspaper clippings, fans and players dancing: "Can you believe where we are today?! Ya see it just don't matter what no experts say. Baby we're in this thing to stay. Now the O's are goin' all the waaaayyy....Why Not! It's really happening. Now the birds are on the wing. Come on O's we can win this thing, Why Not!"

- Mickey Tettleton was our catcher. He had the gayest batting stance I've ever seen and was regularly mocked by kids in my neighborhood. Music video of him doing "I Love Mickey" with cuts of Tettles awkwardly saying, "Mickey Who?"

- Overdubbed voice overs of players' "thoughts" during big hit highlights. My favorite is Randy Milligan's: "Come on, gimmie something good to hit...come on...' CRACK - "Oh yeah, I got a good piece of it..come on...come on"...way back, way back...goodbye! "YEAH BUOYEE!" Rounding the bases..."Take it on home."

- The comparison of 3B Craig Worthington to Brooks Robinson. WTF?

- Touting Mickey Weston and Ben McDonald as "future stars."

- Showing players in the locker room writing letters during the season with overdubbed vocals. "Dear dad, What an incredible season. What an incredible year! It was like that movie, 'Field of Dreams', an unbelievable tale."

- Montages to 'Running Down a Dream' and 'Great Balls of Fire' with perfect triple-replay action to match the guitar riff.

- An awesome intro of two O's players shopping at Superfresh with some shaky banter. "I got the popcorn. I got the butter. I hope I'm in it!"

- 'In a Blaze of Glory' playing as closer Gregg Olson strikes out a skinny McGuire, Dave Parker and someone else good (can't remember) to close out a tight game.

- Jeff Ballard was our ace. He was awesome. He was never, ever awesome again.

- A closing montage to 'Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero?' that still brings tears to my eyes. Shut up.

Anyway, we lost the first two games in Toronto, both late in heartbreaking fashion. We never made it to the playoffs. But we almost did. And in Oriole country, that's as good as it's gonna get. That ticket above, it's a fraud. Printed out of false hope. Dreams shattered. But we are proud orange and black people.

I'm gonna have to watch the video again this weekend and hope for similar things in 2009.

I really miss these goofy, though well-thought out sport videos. People try to be too cool now-a-days.

If you have any love or respect for 1989 or the Orioles, you're welcome to watch with me. (I know. I'll be watching alone.)

Here's to dreaming of an above .500 season!

New Duff Video

2009-03-27T13:55:00.002-05:00

If you'll remember, I named Duff's solo album the "Worst Album I Ever Bought."
But I concede, his work w/ "Loaded" wasn't too bad. It's actually decent.

The band is sorta back together, called "Duff McKagan's Loaded" and below is the video "Flatline" the first single of the group's first studio album in eight years. The album "Sick" comes out April 7.

Hope this post wins me back a few points from the Duff lovers who hate me now. I don't hate this song!

What's Life Like as a Paranormal Investigator?

2009-03-27T09:04:00.005-05:00

I've always been interested in the paranormal, ghosts, even aliens and the rest of that dweebish material. Yes, I used to be a fan of Sightings and all those copycat shows.

After watching an episode of Paranormal State and then Ghost Hunters on SciFi, it got me thinking--am I in the wrong business? Would I make a good paranormal investigator? Would I get my own show? Would I be making tons of money and become a hometown hero? Hmm...

Here are what I see as the pros and cons of the Paranormal Investigator career path:

PROS:
- Not much competition.
- When it's my time to cross-over, perhaps I'll have already made some friends.
- Nobody knows for sure what the hell is going on, so if you can just sound smart or act like you know what you're talking about, it might sell.
- I'd be surrounded by nerds, making me seem a LOT cooler.
- It'd be an awesome opportunity to travel.
- Any little gadget, no matter how crappy could be considered "cutting-edge" technology.
- I could recruit free help from Craigslist.
- I could name my own show and develop some fun catch phrases: "Ea-Mm, mm, mm on! I think I saw a Ghost!" "Yowser. That was close!" "Dude, I'm seriously wiggin the frigg out!"
- My theme song would be "Knockin' on Heaven's Door."
- My hometown bars would think I was super cool. And the goth chicks would be all over me.

CONS:
- Dealing with ghosts is freaking scary.
- Demons might be real. And I'm scared to death of the "Exorcist" movie.
- Some of my friends would dis-own me.
- What if I meet a really annoying ghost who always wants to hang out?
- The Paranormal State kids would keep sending in their resumes.
- Let's say we do make contact...now what?
- Should I succeed, they'd make a movie with someone like Paul Riser playing me. I'd prefer Dave Attell.

I'll think about it.

I Post on Twitter. That Makes me a Social Media Expert!

2009-03-26T13:50:00.009-05:00

I work at an agency that's gunning for it on the digital side. Naturally I pay attention to what's happening on the inter-websial information super highway -- especially in the realm of social media.

I have a Twitter account and I follow some of the popular experts.

There's Brogan, Collier, Guykawasaki and then my favorite is Griner. This guy's for real. He posts meaningful content that's always of interest to me, and offers unique perspective.

But here's what bugs me.
Should you follow these experts, be prepared for an attack from their army of wannabe followers who now want you to have to read their drivel every day.

These are people, usually a bit older, who are only out to bump up their number of followers. They are also very dedicated to filling your screen with tweets bitching about Twitter.

They don't get it. And they never will. All the while, I can see these people telling their friends, neighbors and family that they're true "social media experts."

So just for fun, here are some tweets I've recently seen from these armies of wannabe experts:

"Twitter is being slow!" Is it? Then why the hell did you take the time to tweet that?
"Is this thing on?" How about you post something worth reading and you'll know.
"I like Safari browser best for tweets. It's so much faster on my computer!" Good for you! Really!
"Do you consider tweeting a waste of your time?" If you mean having to read tweets like yours...YES!
"Just got to work!" K.
"Let's exchange business cards. Tell me about your business?" My business is ignoring you.
"Oh noes! Schumthin's wrong with the Twitters!" Go to hell! You go to hell and you die with your baby talk!
"Why is no one talking today?" Oh didn't you hear? The Internet just died for the rest of us. You, you're fine though.
"Is Twitter going to start charging us? That's b.s.!" Yes, they're going to suddenly delete your account unless you fork-over $19.99 a month. And that's fine with me.

To cap off this social media rant, here's one of my favorite social media videos. Well worth a watch:

Maybe I'm just as guilty. Hope not.